Bangaa baka sun
by At the mercy of irony
Summary: Chapter 7 up! Pointless arguing, Famfrit: Lord of the teddy bears and a bit of random randomness.
1. Annoying little moogles, ie Ivan

Dessie: Ok, let me try that again. The edited version!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Katsuhuru Miyoku: ::bangs head on table:: Sorry! I didn't know... but I don't see why we can't put up both of them... or I could take mine off.  
  
Shiro Amayagi: Even though I don't see how insulting the names of my characters can be called constructive criticism (joking), I thank you very much for pointing all this out! Hopefully this will be a bit better attempt.  
  
Lightningfencer00Fuzz: Ahh... well that can't be a good thing.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Felix: Whatever. Lets start. What are the roles?  
  
Dessie: Hrm. Isaac as Marche, Garet as Llednar, Ivan as Montblanc, Mia as Remedi, Felix as Mewt, Jenna as Ritz, Sheba as Shara, Piers as Cid, Kraden as Babus and Alex as Ezel!!!  
  
Isaac: How are you going to turn this into a mudshipper?!?  
  
Garet: I have to play a paladin lookalike?  
  
Ivan: I have to be smaller than usual?  
  
Mia: I have to be Felix's mom?  
  
Felix: I have to be someone weak and small?  
  
Jenna: I have to have white hair?!?  
  
Sheba: I'm a viera?!?  
  
Piers: I have to be old again?  
  
Alex: I have to be someone who isn't evil?  
  
Kraden: Yay! I get to be in this!  
  
All except Kraden: -_-+ Why does he have to be in this?  
  
Dessie: Well, I'm glad you like all your roles. =_=  
  
_________________________________________________________  
  
It was a day like any other. And so the story begins! Hey, that was a lot shorter than the one for Golden Sun!  
  
(Scene: Marche, Mewt and Ritz are at school and are preparing to have an organized snowball fight with Lyle, Colin and Guinness!  
  
Isaac/Felix: Urgh. where am I?  
  
Jenna: ::throws snowballs:: Hehe! You guys were too slow!!!  
  
Isaac: WAIT! You can't throw snowballs until I know how to fight!  
  
Jenna: Aww. where's the fun in that?  
  
Felix: .  
  
Isaac: Oh no.  
  
Felix: !!!  
  
Jenna: Yay! Mewt can't speak! He's a mute!  
  
Felix: ;_;  
  
Isaac: ::pats:: Don't worry, you'll find your voice.  
  
Felix: ::holds up a sign saying 'really?'::  
  
Isaac: No.  
  
Felix: ::holds up a sign saying 'why do I have the sudden urge to hug a teddy bear?::  
  
Jenna: STOP ASKING RANDOM QUESTIONS! I want to get out of here by dinnertime.  
  
Boy1: Hey, where did your teddy bear go, Mewt? Afraid to get it wet in the snow?  
  
Felix: ::holds up a sign saying 'actually, I just got transported here from Weyard 10 seconds ago and I left Mr Fluffles at home'::  
  
Isaac: *does not see Felix's sign and so answers for him* Shut up about Mewt! He has emotional issues.  
  
Boy1: Haha! He has emotional issues! ::points and laughs::  
  
Felix: ::holds up a sign saying 'thanks a lot, Marche'::  
  
Isaac: Anytime!  
  
Boy2: Haha! New kid's a little girl!  
  
Jenna: Hey! I happen to know some little girls that could kick your butt!  
  
Boy2: Oh yeah?  
  
Jenna: Yeah!  
  
Boy2: Oh yeah? Prove it!  
  
Jenna: ::launches into a snowball throwing frenzy::  
  
Isaac: ::avoiding snowballs:: -_- If these are humans then I hate to see what a moogle is like.  
  
Boy1: ::avoiding snowballs as well:: Woah, Ritz. What's your problem?  
  
Jenna: Anyway. What's your name, Marche?  
  
All: -_-+  
  
Isaac: My name is... Isaac!  
  
Felix: -_-+ In THIS game, what is your name?  
  
Isaac: Its-a-me, MARIO!  
  
Jenna: Your name is MARCHE! Not MARIO!  
  
Isaac: Pft... fine.  
  
Felix: I'm sorry, MARCHE. Hey, I'm not a mute anymore! n_n  
  
Isaac: You don't have to apologise, Mewt. You haven't done anything wrong!  
  
Jenna: That sounded a bit weird... Ok, time to learn how to engage! To move, you press the move option!  
  
Isaac: -_- Gee Ritz, thanks. I would have never figured that out by myself.  
  
Jenna: And to throw a snowball, you choose the snowball option!  
  
Isaac: Yes...  
  
Jenna: To end your turn, select wait.  
  
Isaac: Could this be anymore basic?  
  
Jenna: No! I'm being mean to you today!  
  
Isaac: Lets just get on with the snowball fight then.  
  
::exeunt Isaac, Jenna, Felix::  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene: School is over for the day. Marche, Mewt and Ritz are walking home, when they run into Cid)  
  
Piers: Hello, Isaac, Jenna, Felix!  
  
Felix: Hi... ... ... Piers.  
  
Piers: No, you have to call me Dad! Or Papa!  
  
Felix: But you don't have to call me son or something!  
  
Piers: Don't you talk back to me! Go to your room!  
  
Felix: -_-+ Don't you have some work to do, Dad?  
  
Piers: ...  
  
Felix: Dad?  
  
Piers: ...  
  
Felix: DAD!  
  
Piers: ...  
  
Felix: DAD!!!  
  
Piers: Huh?  
  
Felix: Why were you ignoring me?  
  
Piers: I was just getting over how small you are. Goodbye son, see you later, and remember, don't drink and drive! ::exit Piers::  
  
Jenna: What's his problem?  
  
Felix: Well, when Mum died, he did some things he shouldn't have.  
  
Isaac: That's too bad... but not our problem.  
  
Felix: How very supportive of you. Anyway, I'm off to the bookshop! ::exit Felix::  
  
Isaac: I better be going too.  
  
Jenna: Wait, Marche. Your family has problems too, right?  
  
Isaac: YES! IT DOES! My parents decided to paint my bedroom polka-dotted!  
  
Jenna: -_-+ Actually, I was talking about Doned. *over reactor*  
  
Dessie: Oh no! I forgot Doned! Erm... he can be played by... Danny Tamperelli!  
  
All: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
  
Dessie: Ok then, he can be played by... Dian Keto the Cure Master.  
  
All: -_-+ Wrong game.  
  
Dessie: Lord Babi?  
  
All: ::throw rocks::  
  
Dessie: Tic-tac man!  
  
All: Oh yeah, that's intelligent.  
  
Dessie: Great! Then the actor for Doned is Tic-tac man!  
  
All: =@ We were being sarcastic!  
  
Dessie: I know, I know. *evil grin*  
  
::exeunt Jenna, Isaac::  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene: Marche, Mewt and Ritz are still walking home!)  
  
Felix: Hey, Marche, what are you doing now!  
  
Isaac: Why?  
  
Felix: Well, I was going on an incredibly exciting outing to the bookshop, to buy a book, and I was wondering if you would like to come and watch!  
  
Isaac: =0 I think I'll pass. Anyway, my little brothers getting out of the hospital today. Maybe you guys could come over to my house and we can all read Mewt's book!  
  
Jenna: Is your brother ok? Was he sick.  
  
Isaac: Nah, it's just something he was born with. And he just happens to get out today, when the world changes into...  
  
All: Shut up! Don't be a spoiler!  
  
Isaac: Ok.  
  
Jenna: Wait... only one person can read a book at a time!  
  
All: *silent*  
  
Isaac: So do you all know which house is mine?  
  
Jenna: The one with all the little pink flowers in the front?  
  
Isaac: =O How did you know? Anyway, see you guys later!  
  
(exeunt Felix, Jenna, Isaac)  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene: Marche, Mewt, Doned and Ritz are at Marche's house, and are reading Mewt's book)  
  
Isaac: Hello Ritz, Mewt. Come in.  
  
Felix: LOOK! I brought my book with me!  
  
Isaac: Right...  
  
Jenna: This is a picture book! Why couldn't you bring a real book?  
  
Felix: Because I can't read them! Picture books are lots better!  
  
Isaac: -__-+ Lets go to my room. Doned's up there. Ritz, Mewt, this is Doned. Doned, this is...  
  
Tic tac man: FEEL MY MINTY WRATH, WHICH CONTAINS NO MORE THAN 2 CALORIES!  
  
Isaac: -_-+ Shut up.  
  
TTM: NO! I DUN WANNA!  
  
Jenna: Oh yeah?  
  
TTM: YA!  
  
Jenna: ::eats tic-tac man::  
  
Felix/Isaac: Yay! The evil tic-tac man is gone! Lets hold a parade!  
  
Dessie: Erm, guys? The book?  
  
Isaac: It's a boring book. I read it already.  
  
Dessie: YOU HAVE TO READ IT! But first, we need a new Doned. How about...  
  
Felix: Mickey Mouse?  
  
Dessie: =O how did you guess?  
  
Felix: -_-+ How about Saturos?  
  
All: Fine.  
  
Dessie: Then I shall use my author powers to get Saturos over here! ::zap crash kaboom abra kadabra etc. etc.::  
  
Saturos: Hey! Where am I?  
  
Felix: You're Isaac's little brother. You've got a weird disease, and... Saturos?  
  
Saturos: ...  
  
Felix: SATUROS!  
  
Saturos: ...  
  
Felix: SATUROS!!!  
  
Saturos: What?  
  
Felix: Why were you ignoring me?  
  
Saturos: I was just getting over how small you are.  
  
Felix: I hate my life... Ok, lets see this book...  
  
Jenna: This book is in a weird language! I refuse to read it!  
  
Felix: Please?  
  
Jenna: No.  
  
Isaac: Please?  
  
Jenna: Of course!!!  
  
Saturos/Felix: -_-+  
  
Saturos: So, what's the book about.  
  
Felix: Well, since it's in a different language, maybe Latin with a hint of Chinese... I can't read it, but I just happen to know it's about monsters and magic and all other stuff you can find in a Final Fantasy game... ::opens book::  
  
::suck kaboom zap warp beep::  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene: Marche and Montblanc are... somewhere! It'd be a bit of a spoiler if I told you they were in...)  
  
Isaac: Eep! Where am I?  
  
Bangaa: You're in Cyril, of course!  
  
Isaac: Where the hell is that, lizard?  
  
Bangaa: WHAT?!? LIZARD!?! ::attacks Isaac::  
  
Ivan: Hi, Kupo!  
  
Isaac: ::is getting destroyed:: IVAN! Help!  
  
Ivan: No, kupo!  
  
Isaac: IVAN!  
  
Ivan: Oh... fine. Just make sure you never call a bangaa a lizard. Kupo?  
  
Isaac: ::is still getting destroyed:: OK!  
  
Ivan: Promise, kupo?  
  
Isaac: ::still being destroyed:: I PROMISE!  
  
Ivan: Pinky promise, kupo?  
  
Isaac: IVAN! I'm going to get you for this!  
  
Ivan: Aww, but how could you possibly attack a human littler than you, kupo?  
  
Dessie: *whispers* You're a moogle.  
  
Ivan: *looks down* AHHH! I'm a teddy bear! Help, kupo!  
  
Dessie: YOU'RE A MOOGLE!  
  
Ivan: But I look like I teddy bear! And I'm even smaller than usual, kupo!  
  
Isaac: ::momentarily stops being destroyed:: It is really hard to believe that you could be even smaller than usual! ^_^  
  
Ivan: ::attacks::  
  
Isaac: ::has stopped being attacked by the bangaa but is now being attacks by a rabid ted... I mean, moogle:: Ivan! I was joking!  
  
Ivan: Oh, sorry! Please continue, Mr Bangaa, kupo.  
  
Isaac: ::has stopped being attacked by a rabid ted... I mean, moogle but is now being attacked by the bangaa again:: Ivan! Help!  
  
Ivan: Oh yeah, I forgot! Now I can use... wait! First I have to go to the changing rooms, kupo!  
  
*_*_* Changing rooms! *_*_*  
  
Ivan: Lets see... what should I wear... this black would be good for a black mage... but I want to be a thief, kupo! Yeah, thieves are cool, kupo!  
  
Isaac: ::almost dead and outside:: Ivan... hurry up.  
  
Ivan: OK! OK! Now lets see, this knife looks pretty... but wait, kupo! I want to be a black mage, kupo! Black mages are SO much cooler, kupo. Now, I think I'll take this rod... by memory, it bestows Fire, Thunder and Blizzard...  
  
Isaac: IVAN! I NEED YOUR HELP TODAY!  
  
Ivan: HOLD YOUR HORSES, KUPO! I NEED TO BE PROPERLY EQUIPED FOR COMBAT! Lets see, I'll just take this black robe and hat, now I need to pick a shield, wait, I can't have a shield, but I need an accessory... how about a fortune ring, kupo! No, no, it nullifies sleep, kupo. I want it to nullify silence, kupo! I wonder if there's anything that does nullify silence... ah, here we go! All done, kupo!  
  
*_*_* Changing rooms! *_*_*  
  
Ivan: Okey-doke. ::casts Thunder on Bangaa::  
  
Bangaa/Isaac: x_x  
  
Ivan: Oops! Guess I'll have to learn how to control that power, kupo! ^^  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene: Marche and Montblanc are talking. Yeah, they're talking! They would be talking about the law and judicial system, but that's boring)  
  
Isaac: Ok... could you please repeat that?  
  
Ivan: Ok. My name is Montblanc, I'm a moogle black mage, leader of Clan Festinate...  
  
Isaac: Skip to the interesting part.  
  
Ivan: This is the town of Cyril, in the land of Ivalice, kupo.  
  
Isaac: What the hell? Ivalice is the town where I live!  
  
Ivan: Nu-huh, kupo. Haven't you ever seen a bangaa, kupo? Or a moogle, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Well, once in a video game.  
  
Ivan: What's a video game, kupo?  
  
Isaac: You know what a video game is! Stupid! Anyway, this place is just like Final Fantasy!  
  
Ivan: Ok, now I'M the confused one. Kupopo!  
  
Isaac: What does that mean?  
  
Ivan: No idea. Anyway, just stick with me and we'll get you less confused! Come over here, to the inn, kupo!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Marche, Montblanc, Brean, Beltran... I'll just say clan. Marche, Montblanc and clan are at the inn.)  
  
Ivan: Welcome to the clan's hangout place, kupo! ::crickets chirp::  
  
Isaac: Uhh... it's a little empty, isn't it?  
  
Ivan: We're a small clan! Clans are groups of people who work together. Yep. We take missions and do them. That's how we make money. So, would you like to join, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Do I have a choice?  
  
Ivan: NO!  
  
Isaac: o_O;; Ok.  
  
Ivan: This is Brean, Beltran, Aurelie, Rain, Deisel, Oskar and Theodore. Everyone, this is kupo, I mean Marche.  
  
(Brean - Bangaa Templar, Beltran - Human Fighter, Aurelie - Viera Assassin, Rain - Moogle Juggler, Deisel - Bangaa Bishop, Oskar - Human Hunter, Theodore - Moogle Gunner)  
  
All: ::dislocated 'hello's and 'nice to meet you's::  
  
Isaac: Hello. Can we go now?  
  
Ivan: WAIT! First name this clan, kupo!  
  
Isaac: But you already did! Remember?  
  
Ivan: Oh yeah! I hereby name this clan: Clan Festinate, kupo!  
  
Isaac: -_-+  
  
Ivan: Go find a mission. I'll wait here, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Fine. ::gets a mission::  
  
Ivan: Find any good missions, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Yes! Aren't you proud of me? ^o^  
  
Ivan: GREAT! Now lets go!  
  
MISSION 1 - HERB PICKING - Looking for people to gather the fever-reducing herb, muscmaloi on the Giza Plains. No experience necessary. -Ivalice Pharmacists Guild.  
  
Ivan: Hey look! A faerie! Hello faerie! ::cuddles faerie::  
  
Isaac: ::to Brean:: Is Montblanc always like this?  
  
Brean: -_-+ Yess. It getss annoying, too.  
  
Ivan: ::squeezes the faerie too hard:: OH NO! I BROKED IT, KUPO!  
  
All: -_-+ Revive it then.  
  
Ivan: BUT I CAN'T, KUPO!!!  
  
Isaac: White mages, do you know how?  
  
All: *s(s)ilent*  
  
Ivan: There aren't any white mages here!  
  
Isaac: Well that's REALLY helpful, thanks. Lets just dispatch all these goblins, get the herbs and go back to Cyril.  
  
Beltran: Okey-dokey! ::dispatches all the monsters::  
  
Isaac: o_O That was quick. Now where can we find that herb?  
  
Ivan: Oh, I've had some in my pocket since we met!  
  
Isaac: x_x  
  
Mission cleared! Ages ago.  
  
=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=_=  
  
Dessie: Ok, that should hopefully be better.  
  
Felix: Review!  
  
Sheba: All flames will be used to cook my tinned beetroot! But constructive criticism is good. 


	2. Rabidness and getting rid of Montblanc

Dessie: Thankyou everyone, for your wonderful overload of reviews!  
  
Babus: ?_? But there weren't any reviews!  
  
Dessie: \_/ I was being sarcastic! Anyway, I found some useless stuff!  
  
Sheba: Wow, useless stuff. Never would have expected that from you.  
  
Dessie: \_/  
  
Sheba: No, please allow me. ::casts spark plasma on herself::  
  
Dessie: n_n  
  
Felix: The useless stuff is...  
  
Dessie: In Latin, cupio means I want! I can't see the connection though...  
  
Felix: Anything else?  
  
Dessie: And Vale means goodbye in Latin.  
  
Sheba: Whoopdedo. Now get writing.  
  
___________________________________________________________________  
  
(Scene - Montblanc, Marche and clan are in the inn, talking)  
  
Isaac: Ok, I've done one mission. Can I go home now?  
  
Ivan: No way!!! You've still got 299 missions to go, kupo! Lets get started, kupo.  
  
Isaac: -____-+  
  
MISSION 2 - FROSTY MAGE - I saw a bad wizard doing something up in the snow mountains. He's up to no good, I know it! He was making all this ice! -Laudy, Shopkeeper's Son  
  
Ivan: Kupo, I can't see in all this snow!  
  
Isaac: Ivan, it's not even snowing.  
  
Ivan: But I'm a moogle, kupo!!!  
  
Isaac: What does that have to do with anything?  
  
Ivan: Nothing! Look, there they are!  
  
Isaac: -_- I thought you couldn't see.  
  
Ivan: Oh, I was just annoying you.  
  
Isaac: \_/  
  
Mage: Oh no! They've foiled my plans!  
  
Isaac: But we haven't even touched you yet!  
  
Mage: ... THEY DON'T HAVE TO KNOW THAT!  
  
Isaac: o_O;;  
  
Mage: I know! I'll stop you before you get a chance!  
  
Isaac: But I thought that...  
  
Mage: I'll have my rabid army of dogs to attack you!!!  
  
Isaac: I don't see any rabid dogs... ::dog falls on top of Isaac:: AHH! GET IT OFF ME!  
  
Ivan: Hey, nu mou. What exactly are your plans?  
  
Mage: Well, I could tell you, but it would take an extremely long time!  
  
Ivan: Great! We can watch Marche suffer while you tell me about them! ::grabs 9 deckchairs and popcorn::  
  
All: ::eat popcorn and lie in the s(s)un which has(s) magically appeared::  
  
*3 hours later*  
  
Mage: And they are all my plans.  
  
Ivan: Aww. I was hoping you would take a bit longer. Oh well. Beltran?  
  
Beltran: No!  
  
Ivan: Fine. I'll dispatch the dog.  
  
Beltran: Did you say dispatch?  
  
Ivan: Yup!  
  
Beltran: MUUUSSSTTT DIIIISSSPPAATTCHH!!! ::kills dog::  
  
Isaac: X_X  
  
Beltran: And that children, is the art of killing a rabid dog.  
  
Ivan: Ah well. Watching Isaac suffer was fun while it lasted.  
  
Mage: Well, I better be getting back to my experiment.  
  
Ivan: Wait... Want to play with me?  
  
Mage: Ok then.  
  
Ivan: First we need a ball... I know, we'll use those glass thingies!  
  
Mage: But that's my experi...  
  
Ivan: The very first game is basketball. ::grabs glass and throws it:: Oops. That wasn't of any importance, was it?  
  
Mage: \_/  
  
Ivan: The next game is... bowling!  
  
Mage: Nooooooooooooooo!  
  
Ivan: ::bowls glass at the mage::  
  
Mage: ::picking glass out of his eye:: You ruined my experiment!  
  
Ivan: I'm sorry! I'll remake it!  
  
Mage: Ok. I'll watch.  
  
Ivan: ::makes experiment:: Ok, I'm done now, kupo.  
  
Mage: Wow, it looks great!  
  
Ivan: Yeah, well. I do my best, kupo! n_n  
  
Mage: Now give me the glass.  
  
Ivan: K. ::drops glasses on mage's feet:: Oops. That wasn't of any importance, was it, kupo?  
  
Mage: \_/  
  
Brean: I think that'ss face talk for "I'll give you ten ssecondss."  
  
(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)  
  
(Scene - Marche has just gotten back from the doctors and everyone is at the inn)  
  
Ivan: Back already, kupo? Are you ok, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Yes, but I just found out I'm allergic to rabies.  
  
Ivan: Isn't everyone. Up for another mission, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Just a few more days...  
  
Ivan: NO! COME NOW, KUPO!  
  
Isaac: Fine...  
  
MISSION 3 - SNOW IN LUTIA - Would you please take my children to play in the snow on Lutia Pass? I'll make you lunch! Please watch out for monsters. -Auntie Larsu  
  
Ivan: Eep! It's monsters, kupo!  
  
Isaac: A rabid dog!!! ::runs off screaming::  
  
Ivan: Ok kids, stand back. ARGH, KUPO!!!  
  
Rain: What's wrong, kupo?  
  
Ivan: The kids are gone, kupo! ::runs off to find the children::  
  
MEANWHILE  
  
(Scene - The children are sitting in the snow, eating)  
  
Kid: Where did the knight and teddy bear person go?  
  
Other kid: Who cares? Lets have a snowball fight!  
  
Kid 3: But didn't Auntie Larsu ask us to go with them and their freaky friends?  
  
Kid: Yes, but I think she useded badder words than that.  
  
Other kid: I miss the teddybear!  
  
Kid: ME TOO! ::cries::  
  
Kid 3: I don't.  
  
Both: ::attack kid 3::  
  
BACK TO THE EPIC BATTLE. IT WAS VERY... EPIC. VERY EPIC INDEED.  
  
Beltran: ::kills all the monsters::  
  
Brean: -__- You're going to have to stop that.  
  
Ivan: I found the kids, kupo!!! Now we just have to find Marche...  
  
Kid: Give me a piggy back, teddy bear!!!  
  
Ivan: TEDDY BEAR, KUPO?!?!? ::attacks Kid::  
  
Kid: Oww!  
  
Brean: Aurelie, hand me two white sstaffss.  
  
Aurelie: ::gives Brean staffs::  
  
Brean: ::chucks white staffs at Montblanc and Kid::  
  
Kid: Yay! I'm fully healed! Thanks, Brean!  
  
Ivan: Ouch, kupo!  
  
Other kid: We're telling on you, teddy bear!!!  
  
Rain: Oh oh...  
  
BOSS BATTLE - RABID AUNT!!!  
  
Aunt: What did you do to the children?!?  
  
Beltran: Wow! I've never seen a rabid aunt before!!! ::dispatches all the rabid aunts::  
  
Brean: Beltran!  
  
Beltran: Sorry... ::revives aunt and downs her::  
  
Brean: That's better. But something tells me we won't get a reward for this one...  
  
(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)  
  
(Scene - Same as usual. Montblanc and Marche in the pub)  
  
Isaac: This world is getting boring. When can we go home?  
  
Ivan: A looooong time away from now, kupo.  
  
Isaac: ::uses Holy Blade on Ivan::  
  
Ivan: X_X  
  
Isaac: Why couldn't I get stuck with Mia?  
  
Ivan: I don't know, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Dess, why did Ivan have to be Montblanc? Why couldn't I be with Mia?  
  
Dessie: Because I'm evil! ^_^ and I wanted to keep you far away from each other!  
  
Isaac: ::uses Holy Blade::  
  
Dessie: Neeneeneeneeneeeneer! You can't attack me! I'm a disembodied voice!  
  
BACKSTAGE  
  
Garet: Hey, Jenna! What does this button do?  
  
Jenna: It turns off my voice.  
  
Garet: What about this one?  
  
Jenna: It turns off Piers' voice.  
  
Garet: This one?  
  
Jenna: It turns off Dessie's voice. PRESS IT, PRESS IT!  
  
ONSTAGE  
  
Dessie: Plus, Ivan's small and... !!!  
  
All: Hooray!  
  
Dessie: !!!!!!  
  
Ivan: You know, I'm getting sick of being stuck with you, kupo. Who's Sheba again, kupo?  
  
Isaac: A rabbit person called Shara.  
  
Sheba: ::backstage:: Oi! I heard that, new kid! And Jenna said you couldn't be called new kid forever...  
  
Ivan: When can we see her, kupo?  
  
Isaac: ::flicks through script:: Mission nine.  
  
Ivan: Then let's get to work, kupo! ::hands Marche heaps of cards::  
  
Isaac: What are these?  
  
Ivan: Dispatch missions. There 3 available at the moment. It sends units away for a while to do stuff, kupo!  
  
Isaac: ^_^  
  
Ivan: But you can't send me on a dispatch mission, kupo!  
  
Isaac: /_\ Then I'll send off Beltran, Aurelie and Oskar. Bubye, all! ::hands out missions::  
  
MISSION 4 - THE SKYPOLE - Have you heard of the sky pole on the southern peninsula? They say it's the stairway to the gods! I'd like to see that! -Tay, Streetear  
  
MISSION 5 - GIRL IN LOVE - I've got a new boyfriend! He's a brave knight, with chestnut hair. Could you tell our fortune with the white thread? -Carena, Young girl  
  
MISSION 6 - THE LAST DAY - My whole class's "Ancient Studies" homework was stolen! If we had some ancient object, we could do it again... Help! - Babins, 4th grade swords  
  
Ivan: Now we get to go on a mission, kupo!  
  
Isaac: When do I get to see Mia?  
  
Mia: ::backstage:: Many more missions. But I'm counting down the days, Isaac-chan! (A/N - Whoever first said that is a champion!)  
  
Isaac: ^_^  
  
Ivan: Isaac. Kupo.  
  
Isaac: ^_^  
  
Ivan: ISAAC! KUPO!  
  
Isaac: ^_^  
  
Ivan: ::prods:: ISAAC!!! KUPO!!!  
  
Isaac: ^_^ I luff Mia...  
  
Ivan: Ya, me too, kupo, but we have to...  
  
Isaac: WHAT?!?  
  
Ivan: Kupo, I meant...  
  
Isaac: ::uses holy blade on Ivan:: ^_^ I luff Mia...  
  
MISSION 7 - FIRE! FIRE! - (Breaking News) Fire on Grasgreen Street! Need help to quench the spreading blaze. -Cyril Fire Chief  
  
Ivan: Hey look! Bombs! Hello bombs! Kupo!  
  
Isaac: Great.  
  
Brean: Beltran!  
  
All: o_O;;  
  
Brean: Sorry, I was just kinda expecting Beltran to jump out and go "MUUUUUSSSSTTTTT DIIIIISSSSPPPPAAAATTTCCCHHH!"  
  
Isaac: Right...  
  
Ivan: Hey, look! It's Alex's house, kupo! It's dying!  
  
Alex: What? I though I wasn't to come until mission... ARGH! MY HOUSE IS ON FIRE!  
  
Ivan: Hey Isaac, what was that magic attack that I learned that can put fires out, kupo?  
  
Isaac: ???  
  
Ivan: Blissery, gizzard, blindard...  
  
Alex: ARGH!!!  
  
Ivan: Blimey, blisturt, beltran...  
  
Alex: ARGH!!!  
  
Ivan: Oh yeah! Blizzard! Now, what was the most powerful form of that?  
  
Alex; It burns!!!  
  
Ivan: Blizzata, blizzafa, blizzjafa...  
  
Alex: X_X  
  
Ivan: Blizzama, blizzawa, blizzapa... Oh yeah! Blizzaga! ::casts::  
  
Alex: Thank you, Ivan. I'll go die. Over there.  
  
Ivan: Yay! We won, kupo!  
  
Isaac: ::to Rain:: How do we get rid of Montblanc?  
  
Rain: We've tried many times, but never found a way...  
  
(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)  
  
(Scene - At the inn. Marche has convinced Montblanc to go look for Ambervale for a day, so he and the rest of the clan, including the ones who had gone on dispatches are there. They had gotten back)  
  
Theodore - Here are todays laws, Marche.  
  
Isaac: Fire, and target all. So?  
  
Deisel: We've come up with a plan to get rid of Montblanc, if only for a month or so.  
  
Isaac: n_n I'm listening!!!  
  
Beltran: Disobey the laws, go to prison.  
  
Isaac: I see where you're going, but how do we get Ivan into prison?  
  
Brean: Ssee thesse lawss? Bye, lawss. ::scratches out Fire, recommend Ice and writes Ice, recommend Fire::  
  
Isaac: Great!  
  
Ivan: Hey everyone, I'm back! Didn't find Ambervale, though, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Don't worry about that. We've accepted a mission. Look at todays laws, too! Your territory!  
  
Ivan: So it is! Let's get to it, then, kupo!  
  
MISSION 8 - WANTED! - This months wanted! Diagheliv Godeye: 2800 gil. Using alchemy to make counterfeit gil. Rumoured to have a third eye.  
  
Isaac: Ready guys? 3, 2, 1, Festinate!  
  
Ivan: ::casts Firaga on Diagheliv Go... the nu mou::  
  
Judge: MONTBLANC! GO TO PRISON!  
  
Ivan: What? But the laws today say that Fire is...  
  
Diaghel... the nu mou: Who's your idiot friend?  
  
Ivan: ::backstage:: I heard that!  
  
Isaac: What? Why aren't you in prison?  
  
Ivan: Dessie said that if I turned his voice back on he'd let me stay backstage instead of prison.  
  
Jenna: ::runs off to turn voice back off::  
  
Dessie: =O ... !!!  
  
Isaac: Now we just have to dispatch...  
  
Beltran: ::do I really have to say?::  
  
Brean: ::attacks Beltran:: SSTOP THAT!!!  
  
Beltran: But I like to dispatch... =(  
  
Brean: -____-+  
  
Isaac: Lets go!  
  
Ivan: ::backstage:: Next mission has Sheba... come and release me!  
  
Isaac: n_n Say please!!!  
  
Ivan: -_- Pretty please with sugar on top!  
  
Isaac: Oh, ok then.  
  
Ivan: Yay! I get to see Sheba! ::dances::  
  
Isaac: The only reason is because it'll help me see Mia quicker.  
  
Ivan: Whatever.  
  
30 DAYS LATER  
  
Isaac: Hey, Ivan!  
  
Ivan: WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG, KUPO?!?  
  
Isaac: Well, we got sick of you...  
  
Ivan: AND?  
  
Isaac: We took the long route...  
  
Ivan: BUT THE PRISON WAS A DAYS WALK AWAY, KUPO!  
  
Isaac: We took the REALLY long route. How much is it to get you out?  
  
Ivan: 500000 gil, kupo.  
  
All: ::die::  
  
Ivan: No, just kidding. 499999 gil, kupo.  
  
Isaac: That's ok, then. Now, lets go onto mission 9!!!  
  
MISSION 9 - There's a price on the heads of a band calling themselves the Cheetahs. Word is they were last seen in Nubswood! -Bratt, Streetear.  
  
(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)(_)  
  
Sheba: Hey!!! Why did you stop before I got to see Ivan?  
  
Dessie: !!!  
  
Felix: You know, it's kind of peaceful here, with your voice turned off.  
  
Dessie: Mmm! Mph! Mph! Flibber!  
  
Sheba: I think he's trying to say: Mmm! Mph! Mph! Flibber!  
  
Babus: No way! He's saying: Help me, I'm hungry for rabbits.  
  
Felix: Or he could be saying: R&R, flames used to cook beetroot, constructive criticism welcome.  
  
Dessie: Mm-hm! 


	3. The big button of which Garet is pressin...

Dessie: Oh no! I forgot the disclaimer for the last two chapters!  
  
::lawyers come in::  
  
Dessie: Meep! O.o  
  
Sheba: Destinyofthepast owns Golden Sun!!!!  
  
::lawyers grab Dessie::  
  
Babus: But I was under the impression that he DIDN'T own...  
  
Sheba: Shut up...  
  
%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!  
  
Shiro Amayagi - Ok. But I wrote the missions in something similar to the order they appear in the pub... approximately... do you think it matters? I could change it around somehow. Anyway, thanks for both of your reviews, they've been helpful.  
  
High King Isaac: Thankyou!  
  
%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!%!  
  
He, well not really yet. I lied. ^_^  
  
(Scene - Ivan is talking to himself in the inn while the rest of the clan is doing other stuff. Yeah, other stuff)  
  
Ivan: Hehe, they'll all be sorry. THEY'LL ALL BE SORRY!  
  
Others in inn: o_O;;  
  
Ivan: Now I just have to think of a plan as devious as theirs! Then I shall rule the land! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
OII: o_O;;  
  
Ivan: Well, the rest of the clan, anyway. ARE YOU HAPPY NOW? ARE YOU HAPPY?!?  
  
OII: o_O;;  
  
Ivan: Would you quit with the weird faces?  
  
Now, heres the mission! Go read last chapter if you forgot what it is.  
  
Jenna: We've got you now, you two bit swindlers!  
  
Hunter: Ooh, I'm s0o intimidated.  
  
Jenna: You better be.  
  
Hunter: Whatever.  
  
Jenna: _ Don't you talk to me...  
  
Ivan: HELLO JENNA, KUPO! ^_^  
  
Jenna: How many times have I told Isaac-chan to not feed you sugar?  
  
Ivan: 7, KUPO! :3  
  
Jenna: Good boy! Here, have some sugar! Hey, where is Isaac, anyway?  
  
Ivan: Oh... he's... umm... somewhere, kupo.  
  
Sheba: What did you do to Isaac?  
  
Ivan: Sheba! I missed you so much, kupo!!!  
  
Jenna: But where is...  
  
Hunter: HEY! Over here! Weren't you going to "destroy us"?  
  
Jenna: Oh yeah! :D  
  
Hunter: ::annihilates Jenna and Sheba::  
  
Ivan: ^^' Uh, can't we work out a deal, kupo?  
  
Hunter: Are you on their side?  
  
Ivan: Um... no, kupo.  
  
Sheba: I HEARD THAT!  
  
Hunter: So you ARE on their side.  
  
Ivan: Yes, kupo.  
  
Hunter: Then no.  
  
Ivan: Are you sure, kupo?  
  
Hunter: Yes.  
  
Ivan: So we CAN come to a compromise, kupo?  
  
Hunter: No.  
  
Ivan: Sure, kupo?  
  
Hunter: Yes.  
  
Hours later  
  
Ivan: So, even if I stand on my head, wear a llama costume, drink tomato pineapple juice, and sing O Fortuna backwards, you'll still kill me, kupo?  
  
Hunter: Yes. This is getting boring. I'm going to destroy you now.  
  
Ivan: No! You can't, kupo!  
  
Hunter: Why not?  
  
Ivan: Because, kupo.  
  
Hunter: Because why?  
  
Beltran: MUUUUUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTT...  
  
Ivan: ^^ It's about time! I would've thought you'd broken free from those ropes long before now, kupo!!!  
  
Beltran: DISSSSSSSSSSSSSSPPPPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTTTTTCCCCCCCCCHHHHHH! ::kills Ivan::  
  
All: -____-+  
  
Jenna: ::is randomly revived:: Where's Marche?  
  
Isaac: IVAN!  
  
Brean: Oh, don't worry. He'ss already has been desstroyed by Beltran.  
  
Isaac: Oh well. Ritz, why are you here?  
  
Jenna: I thought you would've figured this out by now, this is our town, St Ivalice, only it's like the videogame Final Fantasy!  
  
Isaac: No, I meant I thought you would've had a temper tantrum and stormed out of the parody.  
  
Jenna: ...Why couldn't Garet be Marche?  
  
Backstage  
  
Garet: Hey, Piers!  
  
Piers: What is it?  
  
Garet: This button that says "Turn Isaac's voice into Latin", what does it do?  
  
Piers: -____-+ I think it might turn Isaac's voice into Latin, Garet.  
  
Garet: Really? I would never have expected that. I wonder what would happen if...  
  
Mission - The panthers  
  
Isaac: Sorry Jenna, Solus dicebam...  
  
Jenna: Solus dicebam?  
  
Isaac: Eheu! Cur latinam dico?  
  
Piers: ::from backstage:: Garet is why you are speaking Latin.  
  
Isaac: GARET! TU CAUDEX!  
  
Sheba: Hey, we have to continue whether Isaac speaks English or not.  
  
Isaac: MINIMETE! MINIMETE MINIMETE MINIMETE!  
  
Jenna: ::sigh:: It was better when he couldn't talk at all.  
  
Mia: ::from backstage:: Hey, I resent to that!  
  
Isaac: ^_^ Te amo, Mia!  
  
Mia: You're right, Jenna. It was better when he couldn't speak at all.  
  
Isaac: -____-+  
  
Guide to whatever Isaac said: Caudex- blockhead, idiot Solus - Only Dicebam - I was saying Dico - I say, I speak Te - You Amo - I love Minimete - No Eheu - Oh no Cur - Why Valete - Goodbye Et - If you can't figure this out then you're a blockhead Iste - That Desisti - Stop Fures - Thieves Cupiunt - They want Ita vero - Yes Eram - I was Ius - Right  
  
Hunter: Hey! I'm still here you know! What, you haven't forgotten me, have you?  
  
Brean: ::rolls eyes and uses "Break"::  
  
Hunter: Mmrrrppthht!  
  
Jenna: Hey, well, I'll be saying you later, Isaac. And if I see you, Ivan, I shall kill you.  
  
Ivan: Why, kupo?  
  
Jenna: ... Because I'll feel like it.  
  
Isaac: Valete, Sheba et Jenna!  
  
Mission 10 - The last day - My whole class's Ancient Studies homework was stolen! If we had some ancient object, we could do it again... HELP! -Babins, 4th grade swords  
  
Dispatch - Beltran  
  
Mission 11 - Thesis Hunt - I search for my master the late Dr. Daliel's thesis. It was taken from me by bandits as I crossed Lutia Pass. - Dr. Coleman, geologist  
  
Ivan: Dee, doot, doot doot doot doooooot! Doootototototdoot! Dee doot doot.  
  
Isaac: Iste desisti.  
  
Ivan: Hey look! There are the bandits, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Ivan?  
  
Ivan: What, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Cur fures cupiunt iste?  
  
Ivan: They're nerdy bandits, obviously. Don't you see the cross-eyed one, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Ita vero...  
  
Thief: Ok. Here's your thesis. Where's our money?  
  
Isaac: ^_^ Ius eram!  
  
Thief: HEY LOOK! A clan!  
  
Ivan: Yeah, we're clan... we're clan... erm...  
  
Alchemist: Seize them!  
  
Ivan: Oh oh, kupo...  
  
10 minutes later  
  
Ivan: ::is tied up::  
  
Brean: I jussst hope that Beltranssss having a time just asss a bad time assss usss.  
  
In Cyril  
  
Beltran: ::grumble:: It wasn't in the job description to actually DO the homework.  
  
Back in Lutia Pass  
  
Isaac: ::cuts ropes with sword::  
  
Brean: Yesss! Now I will destroy all of the bandits! ::destroys all the bad people::  
  
%_%_%_%_%_%_%_%_%_%_%_%  
  
Dessie: See why I haven't written a battle fanfic yet?  
  
Sheba: Oh. You're back from your law thingy.  
  
Dessie: Yup. I know this chapters a little short, ok, a lot short, but it'll be back to 2000 words next time. Please review, but go easy on the flames...  
  
| | | V 


	4. Gullible nu mou and the everlasting miss...

Dessie: Ok, here's the next chapter.  
  
Sheba: He doesn't own Golden Sun.  
  
Dessie: Oh, and sorry for all the grammatical errors I made last chapter. I tried to make that chapter as well as I could, but my latinizing skills are bad.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
SpasticDjinn - Ooooook... that was a little bit random. But thanks for your review!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 12 - Prof in trouble - Please find Professor Auggie. He's been gone to Lutia Pass for three days now. Maybe he's lost, or buried in an avalanche! -Dag, research assistant  
  
Isaac: Hey, these mission things are going away fast! It seems like we've already done 100! How many more to go, Ivan?  
  
Ivan: 288.  
  
Isaac: -____-+ Never mind. Hey, isn't that old nu mou thing Professor Auggie?  
  
Auggie: Hey you don't be going calling me old, y'little whippersnapper! ::whacks with cane::  
  
Isaac: Ow! How come I'm always being hit by old aggressive people?  
  
Ivan: It must be a gift.  
  
Auggie: What? Old! Why I'oughta...  
  
Ivan: ARGH! The zombies are coming!  
  
Auggie: Really? I'd see them, but I'm blind.  
  
Isaac: Good call, Ivan.  
  
Ivan: Oh look! They're flying away!  
  
Auggie: ???  
  
Ivan: And falling on top of the rude whippersnapper.  
  
Auggie: =) DIE ZOMBIES! DIE! ::whacks Isaac with cane::  
  
Isaac: Ow! Ow! Hey, I'm not a zombie! Ow! Ow!  
  
Auggie: I didn't know zombies could talk!  
  
Isaac: I'm not a zombie!  
  
Ivan: Oh, these are special TALKING zombies.  
  
Auggie: Wow! Which country do they come from?  
  
Ivan: Uhh... Japan!  
  
Auggie: Where's this "Japan" place you speak of?  
  
Ivan: Oh, it's over there, right on top of the zombies.  
  
Auggie: Ok, off I go! Stomp, stomp, stomp!  
  
Isaac: Ow! I'm not a zombie OR Japan!  
  
Ivan: Wait! There's a special language you have to speak to go to Japan.  
  
Auggie: Really? What is it?  
  
Ivan: Guess!  
  
Auggie: Antartican!  
  
Ivan: ...No...  
  
Auggie: Central greenlandish!  
  
Ivan: No.  
  
Auggie: Japanish?  
  
Ivan: No, but getting warmer.  
  
Auggie: Cheeseish!  
  
Ivan: Colder...  
  
Auggie: Japanican?  
  
Ivan: Warmer...  
  
Auggie: Japanese?  
  
Ivan: Yes! Do you speak Japanese?  
  
Auggie: Erm... I know how to say hello... and idiot!  
  
Ivan: How?  
  
Auggie: Canichewer and baker!  
  
Ivan: Close enough! Why don't you go roam the streets of Japan now?  
  
Auggie: Ok! Stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp...  
  
Ivan: ARGH! Isaac! Zombies are coming!  
  
Isaac: ::is being trodden on:: Suuure Ivan.  
  
Ivan: No, really!  
  
Isaac: ::sigh:: Well then I guess you'll just have to be the hero and defeat the evil zombies of doom, death and... other bad things.  
  
Auggie: Wow! I never new countries could speak!  
  
Ivan: This is a special talking country! It comes from a place called the "Specific ocean"  
  
Auggie: Wow! Well, I'll have to go there someday, won't I? But for now... HYAH! ::starts attacking real zombies with cane::  
  
Zombies: Ow! Ow! Ow!  
  
Isaac: He's a good fighter! Do you think he'll join our clan?  
  
Ivan: No.  
  
Zombies: x_x  
  
Auggie: Well, I have to go to the Terrific Ocean now. See you all!  
  
Ivan: It's the "Specific Ocean"!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Stomp, stomp, stomp...  
  
Ivan: Are you angry at me?  
  
Isaac: /_/  
  
Ivan: ;_;  
  
Isaac: No...  
  
Ivan: GREAT! LET'S EAT SUGAR!  
  
Isaac: Let's not...  
  
Ivan: Is that Jenna over there?  
  
Jenna: Hi Isaac-chan! And teddy-bear thing.  
  
Isaac: Aren't you bored of this place yet?  
  
Jenna: No! It's kind of exciting, having a small role.  
  
Isaac: Since when were you happy with a small role?  
  
Jenna: ¬_¬ Since it was bigger than Mia's role...  
  
Isaac: But would you rather stay here than go home?  
  
Jenna: Yes!  
  
Isaac: Really?  
  
Jenna: Yes.  
  
Isaac: `.` I feel sad now...  
  
Jenna: /_/ Have a teary.  
  
Isaac: ;_;  
  
Jenna: -____-+  
  
Isaac: Waaaaah!  
  
Jenna: I'm not listening, Isaac chan.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: I wish I could go home, Ivan.  
  
Ivan: You can!  
  
Isaac: How?  
  
Ivan: Just sneak out the back door of the studio!  
  
Isaac: How will we get past the rest of the cast?  
  
Ivan: Hrm... I know!  
  
Backstage  
  
Ivan: Hey, look everyone! A distraction!  
  
All: Really? Where? ::turn around::  
  
Isaac: Was that the best you could come up with?  
  
Dessie: You may have fooled them, but you won't fool me! You're not going anywhere!  
  
Ivan: Uhh... look! A three headed mutant bird!  
  
Dessie: Sure.  
  
Ivan: You're right. It's just a distraction.  
  
Dessie: A distraction? Where? ::turns around::  
  
Mia: ;_; You lied to me, Isaac!  
  
Isaac: Uhh... no I didn't...  
  
Mia: Yes you did!  
  
Isaac: No! Ivan did it!  
  
Dessie: -___-+ Just get back to the scene.  
  
Mission 13 - White Flowers - Please bring me some of the flowers I planted on Giza Plains. They're the only way to cheer my sister up since my mom died. -Temil, Town Youth  
  
Beltran: ::dispatches all the monsters:: What a boring mission.  
  
Mission 14 - Free Cyril - The town of Cyril has fallen into the hands of Clan Borzoi. We need you to set a trap to get them out of our town! - Cyril town watch -Dispatch -Brean  
  
Mission 15 - Mad Alchemist - Dig me a nice cave home. My bizarre experiments have earned me the moniker of "Mad Alchemist." Now I want to live alone. -Galdinas, Alchemist -Dispatch -Rain  
  
Mission 16 - Watching You - I think I'm being watched. People say I'm just being paranoid, but I've been hearing flapping wings at night! Please investigate. - Titi, Shy Student -Dispatch -Aurelie  
  
Mission 17 - Desert Peril - There's been a rash of attacks by crazed monsters in the Eluut Sands area recently. Will pay for research and removal. -Eluut Civilian Militia  
  
Dog thing: Gwargh! Gweefles!  
  
Ivan: Cool! The dog things are rabid!  
  
Isaac: Rrr-aa-b-iii---dddd?  
  
Ivan: Uh-huh!  
  
Dog thing: ::bites Isaac::  
  
Isaac: ARGH!!!!!!!!!  
  
Ivan: Don't worry! I've got my first aid kit with me!  
  
Isaac: ._.  
  
Ivan: Oh no! I think Isaac's dead!  
  
Isaac: x.x  
  
::sirens sound::  
  
Guys in white suits: ::grab Isaac::  
  
Dessie: He'll be fine. But we need a substitute for now. How about Garet!  
  
Jenna: Yay! Now he won't be pressing random buttons and making Isaac's voice Latin.  
  
Garet: Huh?  
  
Ivan: You're the hero now, Garet!  
  
Garet: Yay! Now I'm better than Isaac! Hah, I showed him, I'm the hero now!  
  
Ivan: Garet.  
  
Garet: And I'll save cats from trees and they'll all go "Yay, thanks Garet! You're the greatest, even better than Isaac!"  
  
Ivan: GARET.  
  
Garet: And they'll send Isaac flowers with get well cards saying "Get well soon, stupid loser!"  
  
Ivan: GARET!!!!!!  
  
Garet: What?  
  
Ivan: You're only the hero for the rest of the day.  
  
Garet: ;-; I knew it was too good to be true!  
  
Ivan: Just read the script and you'll do fine.  
  
Garet: Ok.  
  
Ivan: Ok, start.  
  
Garet: Ah. These... what does this word say, Ivan?  
  
Ivan: Monsters.  
  
Garet: These monsters must be cheese.  
  
Ivan: ?-? Which idiot wrote the script?  
  
Piers: ::backstage:: Garet, it says rabid!  
  
Garet: Oh, I thought it said rapid.  
  
Piers: So why did you say cheese?  
  
Garet: What did I say?  
  
Ivan: You said these monster must be cheese.  
  
Garet: No, I said these monsters must be sticks of wood.  
  
Ivan: ... Lets just keep going.  
  
Garet: Ok. These monsters must be rabid. Beltran, dispatches all the monsters, Rain stop that...  
  
Ivan: Garet! What are you doing?  
  
Garet: I'm reading the script. Duh!  
  
Ivan: You're meant to be reading YOUR part!  
  
Garet: Ok. These monsters must be rabid!  
  
Beltran: ::dispatches all the monsters::  
  
Garet: HEY! Beltran, you made a mistake!  
  
Ivan: What mistake?  
  
Garet: He was meant to say "dispatches all the monsters!"  
  
Ivan: But he was meant to... -____-+ Why do we even bother?  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
TAKE TWO  
  
Dessie: He'll be fine. But for now we need a substitute. How about Garet?  
  
All: NO!!!!!!  
  
Dessie: Felix?  
  
Ivan: Just read the script like a NORMAL person would, Felix.  
  
Felix: ...  
  
Ivan: Pardon?  
  
Felix: ...  
  
Ivan: ...  
  
Felix: ...  
  
Ivan: What? Is idioticness a disease today?  
  
Felix: ...  
  
Ivan: Start again.  
  
Felix: ...  
  
Ivan: Go.  
  
Felix: ...  
  
Ivan: Go.  
  
Felix: !!!  
  
Ivan: GO! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, JUST GO!  
  
Jenna: He's a mute, you idiot!  
  
Ivan: Oh.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
TAKE THREE  
  
Dessie: He'll be fine. But we'll need a replacement for now. How about Garet?  
  
All: No!!!  
  
Dessie: Felix  
  
All: NO!!!  
  
Dessie: Mia?  
  
All: Ok.  
  
Ivan: Just follow the script.  
  
Mia: ^_^ Ok.  
  
Ivan: Promise?  
  
Mia: Yes! ^_^  
  
Ivan: Start.  
  
Mia: These animals must be rabid! Hey! WAIT!  
  
Ivan: What now?  
  
Mia: These animals have the right to not be insulted!  
  
Ivan: But Mia...  
  
Mia: I'm calling the RSPCA!!!!  
  
::people in black suits enter::  
  
PIBL: Montblanc, Ritz, Mewt, Cid, Babus, Ezel, Doned, Llednar, Shara and Descemet, you are all under arrest for animal abuse!  
  
All: -____-+  
  
Mia: Bye everyone! ^_^ I'll visit you in prison sometime!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Dessie: Ok, that was only 1400 words. Not that much. But since my chapters are so short, next one will be really long.  
  
Sheba: That's what you said last time.  
  
Dessie: Quiet!  
  
Felix: R&R, flames will be doused, constructive criticism accepted and... yeah. 


	5. The wonders of mineral turpentine

Dessie: I'm back.  
  
Sheba: Oh hurray. Let's throw a parade. (sarcastically)  
  
Felix: You haven't updated in ages!!!  
  
Dessie: Yes, well, um... I was stuck in prison, if you'd remember last chapter.  
  
Sheba: It was so long ago that I've forgotten it. And I was in it!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Dragoon knight - See? Now I have a witness! Muah. See muses?  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene - Prison)  
  
Mia: Hi everyone!  
  
All: O_O GET US OUT OF HERE!  
  
Mia: Alright, alright! No need to yell!  
  
All: ^_^ Great!  
  
Mia: But then again, bail would cost an awful amount of money...  
  
People in black suits enter.  
  
PIBL: We have decided to execute all of you!!!  
  
Ivan: NO0O0O0O! I'm too young to die, kupo!  
  
Kraden: Yeah! Me too! ^_^  
  
Mia: You know, Ivan's right. I'll pay for all of your bails!  
  
All: ^_^ Great!  
  
Mia: Except Alex's.  
  
Alex: O_O  
  
PIBL: Ok, in total, Ms. Mia, that will be... 3 and a half cents.  
  
Mia: Fine. Just put it on my credit card.  
  
PIBL: ::grab Mia's credit card:: Ooo0o0o0o0o! Shiny!  
  
Mia: o_O  
  
PIBL: We mean, just give us a moment.  
  
Alex: I thought you said it was really expensive. And how on Weyard did you get on of those "Crescent cars", anyway?  
  
Mia: Yes, well, it's costly to be beautiful!  
  
Alex: ... but... but...  
  
Mia: As for the credit card, I stole it from the 21st century!  
  
Alex: How did you get to the 21st century?  
  
Mia: Well duh! I took the bus!  
  
Alex: ... but... but...  
  
PIBL: Come with us, Mr. Alex.  
  
Isaac: Come on. Let's go now, Mia!  
  
Mia: No! I want to watch Alex be tortured!  
  
PIBL: Ok, first things first. Isaac, flirt with Mia. IN FRONT OF ALEX!!!!!!  
  
Isaac: Flirt, flirt, flirt!  
  
PIBL: Don't say it! Do it!  
  
Isaac: I don't think this is the appropriate time or place!  
  
PIBL: O_O Eww... yucky images! Get them away!!!!  
  
Alex: No0o0o0o0o0o0o!  
  
Ivan: Ahem. The next part of torture, kupo!  
  
PIBL: Ah, yes. Next we use the... hmm... lecture on medieval torture equipment.  
  
Alex: That doesn't sound so bad.  
  
PIBL: I'm sorry, we must ask you to leave while we talk. You want to keep the PG-13 rating, yes?  
  
*10 minutes later*  
  
Alex: O_O I never knew how much damage a spoon could do to your liver...  
  
PIBL: The final stage of torture before the execution is... taking him to a rock concert.  
  
Alex: I'd say that doesn't sound too bad, but I said that about the lecture.  
  
*3 hours later*  
  
Ivan: How was the concert, Alex, kupo?  
  
Alex: Pardon?  
  
Isaac: He said, how was the concert, Alex?  
  
Alex: Pardon?  
  
Garet: HE SAID, HOW WELL DID THE MOOSE BEHAVE?  
  
Alex: Moose? What moose?  
  
Garet: Sorry. Couldn't fight the urge to do that. ^_^  
  
Alex: Pardon?  
  
PIBL: Ok, lets take him to the Shredder of Doom now.  
  
Felix: Wait! Don't we get a say in this?  
  
Alex: Phew, thanks Felix.  
  
Felix: We want more torture!!!!  
  
All: ::nod in agreement::  
  
PIBL: Any requests?  
  
Isaac: Oo0o0o! I do! Put him in a team battle with the Soul Calibur 2 crew and a teletubby! Make him fight all of them!  
  
PIBL: Ok! But it'll take a while to scrape his spleens and other dismembered body parts off the walls, so we'll take you here when he's ready again.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*__*_*_*_*_*  
  
Back to the mission; Desert Peril!  
  
Isaac: I feel lots better now, after torturing Alex so much. ::dispatches all the monsters::  
  
Ivan: All done here, kupo. ::glares menacingly at Mia, Garet and Felix::  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 16 - Oasis frogs - I haven't been hearing the frogs from the town oasis lately. Hope nobody is eating them! Would you stand watch till night? -Donya, Pub Customer  
  
Isaac: Hmm... I can't find the frogs anywhere. They must have been eaten after all.  
  
Ivan: And I think I know who it is, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Really? Who?  
  
Ivan: This ant of course! Now, Mr. Ant, how are you, kupo? The weather's been nice lately, hasn't it, kupo?  
  
Isaac: -__-+ Ivan...  
  
Ivan: Oh, right. Down to business. My client, Sir Isaac...  
  
Isaac: ::rolls eyes:: Ivan, stop that.  
  
Ivan: That's Sir Ivan to you, Sir Isaac! Anyway, he tells me that you have had some most unfortunate incidents regarding frogs, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Ivan!!!!  
  
Ivan: What was that, Mr. Ant? Ok, if you say so... ::whack Isaac with sword:: What?!? The ant told me to! What did you expect me to do, hmm? What would you do if an ant talked to you? HMM, kupo?!?  
  
Isaac: ::glares menacingly::  
  
Ivan: What? It wasn't my fault!!! Kupo!  
  
Isaac: Ivan, it wasn't the ant.  
  
Ivan: Really? I didn't know that. Honest, kupo. ^_^''  
  
Isaac: It was those lamias over there.  
  
Ivan: You don't say, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Are you mocking my superior intelligence?  
  
Ivan: Are you mocking the best person in the world?  
  
Isaac: I would appreciate it if you didn't do that.  
  
Ivan: Shut the hell up.  
  
Isaac: Hey! Don't talk to me that way! If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything.  
  
Ivan: Hey! Who's the superior here? Don't dare insult me!!!  
  
Isaac: o_o  
  
Ivan: -_o  
  
Isaac: ^_^  
  
Ivan: ^_v  
  
Isaac: -_-  
  
Ivan: |_|  
  
Isaac: T_T  
  
Ivan: H_H  
  
Isaac: n_n  
  
Ivan: u_s  
  
Isaac: x_x  
  
Ivan: 4_x  
  
Isaac: O_O  
  
Ivan: B_P  
  
Isaac: Stop that!!!  
  
Ivan: Say please, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Please.  
  
Ivan: Please what, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Please shut up.  
  
Ivan: Well if you're going to be RUDE about it, kupo, then...  
  
Isaac: O great Ivan, I know you are superior to me in every way...  
  
Ivan: And, kupo?  
  
Isaac: And I would appreciate it if you would stop mocking me.  
  
Ivan: WHAT IS THIS ACT OF TREASON, KUPO?  
  
Isaac: Wha?  
  
Ivan: It's 'Pardon' to you, slave. My apprentice here tells me you have been faithful to another duke, kupo.  
  
Isaac: What? Since when did you have an apprentice and who's the other duke?  
  
Garet: Hi Isaac!  
  
Isaac: Well that explains it. How much are you being paid?  
  
Garet: Negative 3 dollars an hour! Ivan says that's better than a million dollars!  
  
Isaac: Lying to a poor young person! Ivan, how could you?  
  
Ivan: Well, it was a very intricate plan, really. I took 2 and a half minutes in the planning stage, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Yes. I'm sure it was HOURS of hard labour.  
  
Ivan: Well, it felt like it, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Endless toil. Surely you know it well.  
  
Ivan: Are you mocking me, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Stop mocking me, kupo.  
  
Ivan: I'll call on my apprentice to stop you if you keep on, kupo.  
  
Isaac: I'll dob on you to Garet, kupo!  
  
Ivan: o_o  
  
Isaac: -_o  
  
Ivan: ^_^  
  
Isaac: ^_v  
  
Ivan: -_-  
  
Isaac: |_|  
  
Ivan: T_T  
  
Isaac: H_H  
  
Ivan: n_n  
  
Isaac: u_s  
  
Ivan: x_x  
  
Isaac: 4_x  
  
Ivan: O_O  
  
Isaac: B_P  
  
Ivan: Stop it, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Hey look, it's Beltran!  
  
Beltran: Hey Marche, Montblanc! We've just been dispatching those lamias!  
  
Isaac: That's good-  
  
Beltran: Then we went to the inn and got drunk, we went to an amusement park and got drunk, we went to visit the 21st century-  
  
Ivan: Let me guess, you got drunk there, kupo.  
  
Beltran: No - we all had smoothies.  
  
Isaac: Wow. We spent all that time squabbling.  
  
Ivan: Yeah, and when we could have been getting drunk, kupo.  
  
Beltran: So does that mean that you'll never fight?  
  
Is/Iv: NO WAY (kupo)!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 17 - Staring eyes - I found out who's got the ahriman eye, and he's a real bad egg. Seems he's making the ahriman chase after girls in Cyril. -Bran, Streetear  
  
Bst: I am the person with many eyes! Welcome to my lair!  
  
Ivan: Dude, we're standing on a random street, kupo.  
  
Bst: Shussh! Don't let anyone know!  
  
Isaac: Anyway, we've come to stop you.  
  
Bst: Fine! But see if I care! ::cries::  
  
Beltran: ::already dispatching:: The ahrimans are quite tough. You'll all have to help!  
  
Ivan: ::goes over to a ahriman:: Aw. How cute. He's gnawing on my ear, kupo.  
  
Isaac: ::stabs ahriman in the eye with a sword::  
  
Ahriman: Eek! ;_;  
  
Ivan: Isaac! How could you, kupo?  
  
Bst: My ahriman! Poor ahriman!  
  
Ivan: Don't worry sir! I've got something here with me; Isaac gave it to me when he was very very mad at me, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Uh...  
  
Ivan: He said it was very soothing, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Uh...  
  
Ivan: 'It's very soothing!', that's what he said, kupo.  
  
Bst: Well, quick!!! Give it to my ahriman!  
  
Ivan: Ok. I'll just pour it into his eye, kupo.  
  
Bst: Hurry!  
  
Ivan: ::pours it into ahriman's eye::  
  
Bst: Uhh... it's shrinking. It's... DYING!!!!  
  
Ivan: Isaac!!!! What was in that vile concoction, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Mothballs...  
  
Bst: No0o0o0o0o0o0o0o...  
  
Isaac: Methalayted spirits...  
  
Bst: No0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o...  
  
Isaac: Mineral turpentine...  
  
Bst: No0o0o0o0o0o0o0o...  
  
Isaac: Domestos bleach...  
  
Bst: No0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0...  
  
Isaac: Dog food...  
  
Bst: No0o0... wait. That bit's not so bad.  
  
Isaac: And canned asparagus.  
  
Bst: So he'll die?  
  
Isaac: Uh...  
  
Ivan: It's all your fault Isaac, kupo!!!  
  
Beastmaster NU MOU: ::whacks Isaac on the head with his cane::  
  
Isaac: ::sigh:: It's a horrible curse...  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 18 - Golden gil - I want you to research the origin of golden gil in my shop. If it's really from the age of kings, it could be good for sales. -Shopkeeper, The Golden Gil -Dispatch- Deisel  
  
Mission 19 - You, immortal - Looking for someone to model for a statue to be put in the Royal Library's new wing. Youth, beauty and physique a plus. -Cesare, Artist -Dispatch- Beltran  
  
Mission 20 - Neighbour! - We're looking for a few good "neighbours"! Won't you join our worldwide network? -Pewl, Neighbour Network -Dispatch -Aurelie  
  
Mission 21 - Morning woes - Our rooster, Nikki, has taken to crowing well before sunrise. Now the neighbours are complaining! Won't someone please help? -Mulchin, Grocer -Dispatch -Oskar  
  
Mission 22 - An education - Nothing is more dear to me than my son, Lukel, yet he has never done well on tests. Won't someone please tutor him? -Mrs Kulel -Dispatch - Rain  
  
Mission 23 - Foul thief - A thief has been coming in the night and stealing our chickens. Please, catch him for us! -Kariena, Little Girl  
  
Ivan: ::humming battle theme::  
  
Isaac: The fumes must have got to your brain... as small as it is.  
  
Brean: It'ss the thief! Get him!  
  
Thf: I shall destroy you all!  
  
Is/Iv: We're not scared (kupo)!  
  
Thf: Um... then I'll feast on your soul after I eat your... spleen!  
  
Is/Iv: Meep! ::hide behind a rock::  
  
Brean: Um... guesss it'ss up to me... ::dispatchess thief::  
  
Thf: Ow! That hurt! ::runs away screaming::  
  
Brean: Uh... guyss?  
  
Is/Iv: What (kupo)?  
  
Brean: It'ss ssafe to come out now...  
  
Ivan: But what about the soul eater, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Yeah, he said he would eat our spleens!  
  
Brean: Do you even know what sspleenss are?  
  
Ivan: Uh...  
  
Isaac: Not by memory.  
  
Ivan: Good one, kupo!  
  
Brean: But he'ss gone now!  
  
Isaac: SuRe...  
  
Brean: Uh... iss that "Ssee her" I ssee over there?  
  
Isaac: Mia? ::jumps out from behind the rock:: HEY! She's not here! You tricked me! ::hides behind the rock again::  
  
Brean: Hmm... a tub of gold, right over there? Wow, what an HONOUR it would be to find ssuch a thing!  
  
Isaac: But... the thief's SCARY!  
  
*2 hours later*  
  
Brean: Pleasse? Do it for me. Do it for Beltran! Do it for Fleaha! Do it for the honour and glory of your country!  
  
Ivan: Honour, kupo?  
  
Brean: Yes! For getting out behind that rock, you'd get honour and glory!  
  
Ivan: No, not interested, kupo.  
  
Brean: ::ssighss:: It'll mean you're better than Issaac...  
  
Ivan: Count me in, kupo! ::jumps out from behind the rock:;  
  
Brean: What about you, Issaac? You going to let Ivan take your place?  
  
Isaac: Guess so.  
  
Brean: ARGH! ::destroyss the rock::  
  
Isaac: HEY! ::finds a new rock::  
  
Brean: Thiss iss hopelesss...  
  
Ivan: Wait! I have a plan, kupo! ::whispers::  
  
Brean: Oook... but what's the plan?  
  
Ivan: Oh, right, kupo. ::whispers the plan::  
  
Brean: Oh no! Treear iss over there! Sshe needss help! ::coughss:: First Aid.  
  
Isaac: I know! I'll heal her using my "First Aid!" ability!  
  
Brean: Yay!  
  
Isaac: From behind this rock?  
  
Brean: Very well.  
  
Judge suddenly appears  
  
Judge: Marche, the laws CLEARLY state no techniques allowed today.  
  
Isaac: Uh...  
  
Judge: Come with me.  
  
Brean: ::glares at Ivan::  
  
Ivan; What? It got him out from under the rock, right, kupo?  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Dessie: As usual, R&R, please go easy on the flames though. 


	6. Description of Alex's hair

Dessie: Ee! Lots of reviews! Really appreciated, everyone!  
  
PS. There's been a cast addition. Fiezhi is now Nono, Ivan's brother.  
  
PPS. Sorry about the Soul Calibur bit... I got a bit carried away.  
  
PPPS. Destinyofthepast does not own Golden Sun but (insert witty comment here)  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Dragoon Knight - Ooo, we're torturing him mentally at the moment. ^_^  
  
SpasticDjinn x2: Since when did Garet have any chance of fame and fortune? Oh no! No0o0o0o0! Not the mineral turpentine! Mm, tastes like chicken!  
  
Lord Slasher: Weird? If you think I'm weird, you obviously haven't ever seen SpasticDjinn!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene - Prison)  
  
Auggie: And this is a picture of me when I was just a tiny tot. It was so cold, wandering around with no undies on. I remember one time when... ISAAC! Are you paying attention? Respect your elders!  
  
Isaac: Yes Auggie, I'm paying attention.  
  
Auggie: Good. You young people are always gallivanting off into your own dreamlands, leaving nu mou in suspense while they wait for you to...  
  
Ivan: Isaac, kupo? Professor Auggie, kupo?  
  
Isaac: ::mouths:: Get me out of here!  
  
Ivan: What was that Isaac? Get me out of here, kupo?  
  
Isaac: -___-+  
  
Auggie: You don't want to hear about my childhood? Now I'm hurt. ::cries::  
  
Isaac: Just what we need Ivan. An emotionally disturbed nu mou.  
  
Ivan: He didn't mean it, kupo.  
  
Auggie: Really?  
  
Ivan: Uh yeah... he's just...  
  
Isaac: ::pretends to gape for air::  
  
Ivan: Oh! He's just dying, kupo.  
  
Isaac: -___-+  
  
Auggie: Really? We better get him to hospital!  
  
Isaac: ::pretends to sniff something and fall over::  
  
Ivan: Then again, it could be his allergy to cheese, kupo.  
  
Auggie: Allergy to cheese?  
  
Ivan: Yes, it makes him very agitated and rude, kupo.  
  
Auggie: But where was that cheese?  
  
Ivan: Uh... there was a speck of it in one of the photos you showed him, kupo.  
  
Auggie: Oh, that's understandable then.  
  
Guard: Mystery soup. Dinnertime. Eat it, Auggie, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: ::eats:: Oh, it's very nice. What's it made out of?  
  
Guard: Cheese.  
  
Isaac: Oh...  
  
Auggie: Well, I don't care what you think. I'm continuing with the story. There was this one time when my mum took me to Aisenfield, and there was a big bunch of woods...  
  
Guard: Oh yeah, Isaac! Everyone's about to torture Alex again...  
  
Auggie: QUIETEN! Don't be rude!  
  
Isaac: Um... Where's Alex?  
  
Guard: ::holds up a glass bottle with eyes and dismembered body parts::  
  
Isaac: ::stifling laughter:: Alex? Is that you?  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
It is a cold, cold, cold day. A man with cerulean blue hair and a powerful smirk stands in the middle of a bland circular room. The floor and walls are there, but the roof is absent. There are no doors, and unless you could jump 5 metres, there was no way out. The lonely breeze wafts through and waves his hair around behind him. A cloud passes over the sun, blocking out the only source of light. And then suddenly, a ring of fire appears above his hair. And from the blaze emerges...  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Ooo0o0o! Let me guess!  
  
Alex: Quiet! I'm telling the story!  
  
Isaac: How can you talk? You're a dismembered body part!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
And from the blazes emerges what looks like a machine. It may be a machine, or it may be human. It may be neither. It, or he, or she, is wearing a purple wizard like hat, his buttoned clothes, a one-piece suit, are also purple. Where his bone joints should be are wheels. His mouth is sealed with metal, yet he can talk.  
  
"I shall assist your suicide!" he says, drawing his katana from behind his back, behind a tall flag of some sort. His voice echoes around the room and pierces his ears. The first man, whom will be from now to as Alex, stands stationary and draws his sword as well. His hair shines and shimmers, even though the sun is still blocked out.  
  
And then the machine disappears into the air. Well, he hasn't really disappear. He is completely visible, but wrapped in a ring of fire. It is spinning towards Alex, the light from the fire illuminating the room once more. He is about to come down, slicing him with his katana as he did so. But Alex stealthily rolls out of the way, his hair scarring itself on the ground, turning black as he did so. And now the machine was aggravated. Alex feels a powerful attack coming on... and he could do nothing! He was lying on the ground, completely vulnerable. The machine turns away from him. He was foolishly waving his katana around in the air, and was bringing it towards himself! What was he doing? And then a sickening sound of crunching is heard. The machine had used his most powerful attack! But it has missed, and hit himself. That was intentional, but he had missed Alex along with him. With a small smile, he tosses his hair back behind him. That was too easy. The machine lets out another piercing shriek.  
  
"Unexpected!" he says, then shuts his cold metal eyes. Alex lest his hair fall back into his face. He had won, for now.  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: And that's how you got turned into mush?  
  
Alex: Shush! I'm not done!  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Just after the machine had said this and passed away, a green-clad figure jumps into the fray. Alex grunts and runs a hand through his smooth hair.  
  
"There must be steps on the other side." He thinks, putting his sword back in an attack position. Unlike the other, the green-clad warrior simply draws his sword and lets out a cry. Everything about him was green, his hood, his tunic, and his boots. Well, not really his boots. And his hair, oh my god, he let it under a hood! That can give you like, total hat hair. I prefer to keep my hair flowing by itself and I take care of it. And I never use tubs of gel like those idiots Isaac and Garet! I mean, do they order it straight from he company because it seems like they use enough to use half the company's produce! I hear that stuff gives you permanent spilt ends, and don't even get me started...  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Get on with the battle with Link!  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
And blond? Oh my god, blond? Blonds are supposed to be such idiots and their hair is just so... yellow! If I had yellow hair, I don't know what I'd do! Well actually, I'd probably dye it blue...  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Get on with the battle!  
  
Alex: Oh, right. Sorry.  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
The green man's first move is to pull out his bow. This wasn't good. The only far-range attack Alex knows is Froth Sphere, and he was under strict order to not use psynergy. It didn't matter. There were obviously going to be plenty of battles, he might as well use them to train his psynergy. He raises his hands into the air and large bubbles shoot out of it and surround Link. A few seconds later the bubbles subside. Alex smirks, but then to his horror discovers that he was unscathed. He curses himself for being so careless. There was something protecting Link from psynergy, so he couldn't use it on opponents. Link pulls the bow back and shoots an arrow through the air towards Alex. Well, if his psynergy couldn't attack then maybe it could defend. A wall of water shoots up as well, and a few seconds later he discovered he was wrong. The arrow shoots right through the wall and into Alex's shoulder. He winces in pain and pulls it out, chucking it onto ground in front of him. Blood starts to spill out of wound, staining his shirt and his bright blue hair. Immediately, he attempts to wrench out the red stain, but the forest boy was charging for him with his sword. He quickly flies out of the way and casst Ply on himself. To his surprise, a pain shot through his body, sending him crashing to the floor. Cursed writer, he thinks, he reversed all my psynergy.  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Real smart Alex, it kills twice but third time lucky.  
  
Alex: Silence!  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Getting up, he grabs his sword off the ground next to him. He can see black spots around his eyes and he feels giddy, the room starting to spin around him. Then there is nothing. Nothing except the sound of sword on sword, metal on metal, blade on blade. Eventually, Alex prevails and Link spirals to the ground. Alex breathed in sharply and continues to wrench out red gunk out of his hair, then flicked it back. There were more battles to come. There would be three in total, that was traditional, except for the final boss, there were always two there. Zelda, Metroid, Golden Sun, Barney's magical adventure... wait, scratch the last one. Anyway. The last of the cast was a young man who bore a long rod, and wore a shirt that was sleeveless and only managed to cover half of his chest but ran down to his legs. His trousers were long and loose, and a dark shade of marron. He uses his rod to pole vault over the wall to you.  
  
"Is there no other way?" he calls out to him. Alex breathes in sharply again, more long-range weapons. However, this warrior only seems to know one move. At the start of the battle, he pokes you in the stomach with his rod and continues to do so for a while. It didn't hurt at all, but it was annoying. When he was approached, he found out he was wrong. Before he could stop him, the man with the rod was tap dancing on his head, occasionally whacking him in the backside with his rod. Now that was the painful bit, but before long, Alex has shaken him off and thrown him onto the floor. He quickly draws his sword and holds it to his opponent's neck, which is lying on the ground attached to the rest of his body.  
  
"Give up or die." Alex laughs, flicking around his hair tauntingly, then letting it fall to his side. Before he could say anything else, the man with the rod was pole-vaulting up the wall. Alex sighes. "That was easy." He comments. But he was wrong.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Ok, you've said: "But he was wrong" at least 5 times.  
  
Alex: Shuddup! I'm almost done!  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Just when he thought it was all over, a red figure jumps into the arena. It seems to be fluffy, and what looked like a furry stick was sticking up out of his head. A square on its stomach glowed blue, then green, then red, then blue again. Alex almost pulls out his hair in realisation. It was a teletubby!  
  
Lets just say that 5 minutes later, Alex was transferred to a mental hospital in Izumo, where he was cut up into little pieces to be examined. Due to his polite request though, they preserved his great hair.  
  
The guys from the prison brought him back here in a glass bottle...  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Alex: And that's it!  
  
Isaac: My god, you really do care about your hair.  
  
Alex: So?  
  
Isaac: No, man, you are obsessed.  
  
Guard: Well, what's today's punishment to be?  
  
Auggie: ... And that's why my great aunt's name is Marcus. Hey! Were you guys listening?  
  
Ivan: ::grins evilly::  
  
Together: LOCK HIM IN THE CELL WITH AUGGIE!  
  
Auggie: Yay! Another person to talk to!  
  
Alex: ::groans::  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 24 - Village hunt - Participants wanted for a survey of the Eluut Sands. We will cross antlion nests to find a legendary moogle's hidden village. -Barba, Junior Researcher  
  
Ivan: We're going on a bear hunt!  
  
Clan: We're going on a bear hunt!  
  
Ivan: We're going to catch a big one!  
  
Clan: We're going to catch a big one!  
  
Ivan: We're not scared!  
  
Clan: We're not scared!  
  
Ivan: What a beautiful...  
  
Isaac: Please don't do that.  
  
Ivan: ::observes Isaac:: Whatever are you wearing, kupo?  
  
Isaac: My soldier's costume. What else?  
  
Ivan: We're going on a bear hunt, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Yes, yes, I know, we're going to catch a big one.  
  
Ivan: No, I mean, don't you think you should put a hunter's costume, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Never occurred to me. I can't be bothered.  
  
Ivan: Come on Isaac! Be involved in today's society! I mean, there are... bad things today because of people like you, kupopo!  
  
Isaac: ... and this is just because I won't put on a hunters costume.  
  
Ivan: ::considers:: Yes, kupo.  
  
Clan: ::shake their heads and tut::  
  
Ivan: ::starts casting Thundaga::  
  
Clan: O_O ::nod frantically::  
  
Isaac: There is no way I am getting into a hunter's costume. It makes me look like a girl!  
  
Ivan: So does the soldier costume, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Quiet!  
  
Ivan: Do or die, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Ok... whatever. Just don't use weird catchphrases. ::emerges in a hunter costume::  
  
Ivan: Much better! Don't you think so, Isaac, kupo?  
  
Isaac: Whatever. Now, how do you work this bow thing?  
  
Ivan: You'll automatically know, kupo.  
  
Isaac: ::blinks in oblivion:: Hey! You're right! I know what to do!  
  
Ivan: Great! Now, let's go cross nests with the antlions, kupo!  
  
Beltran: ::dispatches all the monsters:: I found them!  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 25 - Duelling sub - I've been challenged to a duel, but I'm scared. Will you go in my place? Just pretend to be me, OK? -Viscount Gatt - Dispatch - Oskar  
  
Mission 26 - Goblin town - A goblin stole my favourite monster guide and buried it under a rock! I'll give you a copy if you get mine back for me! -Ian, Inquisitive Youth - Dispatch -Theodore  
  
Mission 27 - Castle sit-in - A group of youths are protesting the capture of their friends at a castle in the south. Talk sense into them! -Hansrich, Security Chief -Dispatch -Diesel  
  
Mission 28 - Lost heirloom - Please retrieve Estel's heirloom from the HQ of the greedy "Neighbour" merchant network! Justice must be done! -Fago, Ally of Justice -Dispatch -Rain  
  
Mission 29 - No scents - Tonight's the night of my big date, and my dress and shoes are perfect, but I can't find my perfume anywhere! Help! -Lucy, Party Girl -Dispatch -Aurelie  
  
Mission 30 - A lost ring - I dropped my ring in the Ulei River! It was a gift from my beau. Please find it before he finds out I lost it! -Clea, the Ice Cream Man's Girl  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Well, I guess I better change back into my soldier costume. Wait, what's this costume? ::holds out a paladin costume::  
  
Ivan: Uh... it's a paladin costume. It says so in the script, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Right... but why is it here?  
  
Dessie: ::backstage:: You mastered two Soldier moves, First Aid, when you ran to help Mia, and Mind break, because I think you lost your mind by chapter 3.  
  
Isaac: You mean the Latin junk?  
  
Dessie: Yes... the Latin junk.  
  
Isaac: Cool! Can I wear it?  
  
Dessie: That's what it's there for.  
  
Isaac: Great! Now, where is that ring we're supposed to find?  
  
Ivan: I see something gleaming in the river over there, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Well, we'll just have to wade in and get it.  
  
Ivan: Wait, your costume...  
  
Isaac: Ivan, there isn't such a job as "Swimmer"  
  
Ivan: Yes, but...  
  
Isaac: Why are you so worried about nothing all the time?  
  
Ivan: Because-  
  
Isaac: Shut up Ivan, I'll go get the ring.  
  
Ivan: But your outfit-  
  
Isaac: So what if it gets wet?  
  
Ivan: No, I mean it will-  
  
Isaac: Shut up Ivan or I'll tie you to a tree.  
  
Ivan: BUT ISAAC!  
  
Isaac: You asked for it! ::ties Ivan to the nearest tree:: Now, lets go get that ring! Beltran, Brean, you help!  
  
All: ::s(s)tep into the water::  
  
Beltran: Eeh... we're sinking.  
  
Brean: Our armour iss too heavy!  
  
Ivan: And so is your paladin outfit, Isaac, kupo!  
  
Isaac: Gosh Ivan! Why didn't you WARN us?  
  
Ivan: I WAS TRYING! KUPOPO!  
  
Isaac: I can't move!  
  
Brean: Neither can I!  
  
Beltran: Help us, Ivan!  
  
Ivan: I CAN'T! ISAAC TIED ME TO A TREE!  
  
Brean: You know, if I could lift my sspear, you would be dead right about now, Issaac.  
  
Isaac: You don't say. Now, how do we get up? Ivan? Any ideas?  
  
Ivan: Yes, but my lungs are being crushed by these ropes so I inconveniently can't speak any more, kupo.  
  
Isaac: IVAN! HELP!  
  
Ivan: *cough* *cough* *cough* Isaac! I think I'm dying, kupo!  
  
Garet: ::from backstage:: Nope, you're not allowed.  
  
Ivan: Thanks a lot Garet, kupo.  
  
Garet: ^_^; You're welcome!  
  
Isaac: Garet! Come here!  
  
Garet: Why? Do you have something I can kill?  
  
Isaac: No... but I've got something for you to burn!  
  
Garet: Oh, goodie!  
  
Isaac: You have to burn this water so it evaporates.  
  
Garet: Ok.  
  
Ivan: WAIT! GARET! KUPO!  
  
Isaac: What is it now, Ivan.  
  
Ivan: You're plan's not going to work, it's-  
  
Isaac: Now, what have I told you about being overly worried?  
  
Garet: To eat more sugar!  
  
Isaac: -_-; Not you. Ivan!  
  
Ivan: But-  
  
Isaac: Shut up Ivan.  
  
Ivan: But remember Alex's description of the fight! The battle with-  
  
Isaac: Look, we can do this the easy or the hard way. FELIX!  
  
Felix: What?  
  
Isaac: Tape up Ivan's mouth!  
  
Felix: Ok... ::tapes up Ivan's mouth::  
  
Isaac: Now, what were you saying, Ivan?  
  
Ivan: Mmmpht! Mmpht, kupo!  
  
Garet: I summon the power of Mars to summon fire!  
  
Brean: We could do without the action phrassess, Garet.  
  
Garet: Okey doke. ::casts Fireball on the water::  
  
Isaac: ARGH! IT BURNS!  
  
Garet: It's burning me too! ::runs around screaming::  
  
Sheba: ::walks in on the scene and sees Ivan tied to a tree with his mouth taped shut, Isaac, Beltran and Brean sinking in the half full river, Isaac also screaming and flailing his arms , Garet screaming and running around in circles on fire and Felix standing there with a smirk on his face:: Woah! What happened here?  
  
All: IT WAS IVAN'S FAULT!  
  
Ivan: Mmpht, kupo?  
  
Sheba: I somewhat doubt that. ::reads Ivan's mind::  
  
Isaac: Well?  
  
Sheba: He thinks he was trying to warn you that your psynergy was going to backfire and that your paladin suit would sink.  
  
Isaac: Didn't I mention that? ^^;  
  
Sheba: No.  
  
::It suddenly starts to rain. The river is filled to the top again, then it stops::  
  
Felix: Eh... what was that?  
  
Mia: ::from above:: HI GUYS!  
  
Isaac: Hey! You wrecked our chance to get out.  
  
Piers: So? We were paid.  
  
Mia: But since you're my Isaac-chan, I'll cast parch on it for you.  
  
All: No0o0o0o0o0o0!  
  
::Colour drains out of Mia's face. She falls down into the river. Isaac throws her onto dry land::  
  
Isaac: Now what do we do?  
  
Sheba: Well, maybe if you hadn't used your rope to tie up Ivan, then you could throw the rope to us and we could pull you out.  
  
Isaac: Good point.  
  
Felix: Don't worry... I'll untie him.  
  
All: Yay!  
  
Felix: For a price.  
  
All: ::groan::  
  
Sheba: I'll do it for free! ::pulls on the ropes::  
  
All: ::silent::  
  
Brean: Eh... nothing happened.  
  
Beltran: ::gasp:: I'm starting ::cough:: to swallow ::splutter:: water! ::spit:: HELP!  
  
Felix: My price is... 100, 000 gil.  
  
Isaac: I left every bit of my money in my soldiers suit!  
  
Felix: Really... exactly where is your wardrobe?  
  
Isaac: It's two doors down from yours... why?  
  
::Felix runs off and two minutes later emerges with an overflowing bag of money::  
  
Felix: Neneneneneeneeer!  
  
Isaac: GIVE THAT BACK!  
  
Garet: Hey! Nobody steals money from my best friend...  
  
Isaac: Whew, thanks Garet.  
  
Garet: Except me! ::takes the bag and runs off laughing manically::  
  
Felix: Hey! Come back! ::chases after him::  
  
Sheba: You know, if you hadn't tied up Ivan, he could've used Firaga for you.  
  
Isaac: OK WE GET IT SHEBA!  
  
Sheba: Just saying.  
  
Brean: Do you usse any fire moves?  
  
Sheba: Nope. I am a sniper. I could get Ritz to drop by and perform fire whip for you... but I can't be bothered.  
  
Beltran: Well then... could you toss me and Brean a vine or something? We didn't have anything to do with tieing up Montblanc.  
  
Sheba: Ok. ::tosses vine for Beltran and Brean::  
  
Both: Thanks! ::untie Ivan::  
  
Ivan: ::casts Firaga, making sure that he hits Isaac as well as dissolving the water::  
  
Sheba: You deserved that, Isaac.  
  
Isaac: Whatever. Now we just need to get that ring...  
  
Ivan: The ring was lying next to me the whole time, kupo.  
  
Isaac: GOSH, WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL US?!!?!?  
  
Ivan: ...don't make me hurt you, kupo.  
  
*_*_*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 31 - A challenge - Yo, Clan Festinate. You're quite popular lately. There's still time for you to join us at Clan Baham... or else! -Mintz, Deputy Clan Boss  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Random guy: Want to join Clan Baham?  
  
Isaac: No.  
  
Random guy; Ok. ::walks off::  
  
Isaac: What a stupid mission.  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 32 - S.O.S - Emergency flares in the pattern green-red-green were spotted over the Koringwood. Clan Ritz is in trouble! Please assist. -Clan Center  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Jenna: Sheba, this was all your fault.  
  
Sheba: My fault?  
  
Jenna: Yes, it's your fault. Why couldn't Isaac be Shara?  
  
Sheba: Because he's a guy? Viera are girls?  
  
Jenna: Doesn't matter. This is still your fault.  
  
Sheba: My fault? It's Garet's fault! When I told him to put up an S.O.S at the inn... he probably put up a mission called "Sales on sandwiches!"  
  
Jenna: Are you saying Garet is dumb?  
  
Sheba: Yes... that's exactly what I'm saying.  
  
Jenna: Oh. Well, you're right.  
  
Sheba: Hey look! It's Ivan! Our message got through!  
  
Isaac: Hey guys! Where are the sandwiches?  
  
Jenna: Err... exactly what mission did you receive?  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 32 - sails on samdwices - clan rits telled I to right So's on the mission bored. so, i righting sos on da message bored I dunno what it stnds 4 but I think Immeans sails on samdwices so thats what am righting jenna said she wood burn me if I didnt + she says | onle think of my stoomak I think shes wiered but she makes me fell wiered inside two. -Jahreet  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: And we sort of guessed that "Jahreet" wrote it.  
  
Jenna: Right... well, can you help us kill these monsters?  
  
Isaac: Sure.  
  
Beltran: ::dispatches all the monsters::  
  
Jenna: Great! So, see you guys later!  
  
Isaac: Bye!  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Dessie: Hope you guys liked it!  
  
| Please  
  
| Read  
  
| And  
  
V Review! 


	7. Famfrit: Lord of teddy bears

Chapter 7 - Famfrit: Lord of teddy bears  
  
Today we have the first totema!  
  
Also, for those who are interested, here is where I plan to the others: Ultima: Lord of two legged turtles - Chapter 10, The A guy: Lord of lizards - Chapter 12, Exodus: Lord of bunny rabbits - Chapter 17, Mateus: Lord of ninjas, well, no - Chapter 23.  
  
These are subject to change! ^_~  
  
Disclaimer - Destinyofthepast does not own Golden Sun or Final Fantasy Tactics Advance  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
XP - I love you too.  
  
Lu Xun 88 - I emailed you about it... And you ignored me! ::cries::  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Mission 33 - Twisted flow - I've seen the Ulei River bending and warping most strangely, but no on eelse can see anything! Please find out the truth.  
-Jura, Time Mage Adept  
  
Isaac: It's quiet.  
  
Ivan: Too... quiet, kupo.  
  
Isaac: I was just saying. I don't need an action phrase to back it up.  
  
Ivan: Sorry, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Hmm... something important is about to happen. I can feel it in my brain!  
  
Ivan: Right, kupo.  
  
Isaac: I think we may be on the verge of discovering something important!  
  
Ivan: Whatever you say, kupo.  
  
Isaac: We should go further into the river! Though I don't see any warping though.  
  
::Demi like sphere appears::  
  
Ivan: Cool! Black orb! LET ME TOUCH IT, KUPO!  
  
Isaac: Come on, let's go!  
  
Guard: Sorry to interrupt you when you're about to discover something really important, but I have something for you!  
  
Isaac: Can it wait?  
  
Guard: I guess... I'll wait here.  
  
Isaac: Great! ::steps into the black sphere with Ivan::  
  
Guard: Woah! Where did they go?  
  
::Demi like sphere grows bigger and engulfs guard::  
  
Guard: ::lands on top of Isaac and Ivan:: Whee! That was fun!  
  
Isaac: What are you doing here?  
  
Guard: I tripped.  
  
Ivan: But we're here on important business, kupo!  
  
Guard: Sorry.  
  
Isaac: Well, you're obviously going to be annoying us for quite some time, so we might as well know your name.  
  
Guard: Uhh... I'm Person1.  
  
Ivan: ::catches sight of crystal:: Ooo0o0o0o! LET ME TOUCH IT, KUPI!  
  
Isaac: Oh... fine.  
  
Ivan: YAY! ::pokes crystal:: OW! An electric shock! ::pokes crystal again:: OW! Another electric shock! ::pokes crystal yet again:: OW! Another...  
  
Famfrit: ::steps out of the crystal:: Please don't do that.  
  
Isaac: Ooo0o0o! Grand entrance!  
  
Famfrit: I mean, SPEAK YOUR NAME, THEE WHO PROFANE LIGHT!  
  
Person1: WOW! Who are you?  
  
Famfrit: I asked first.  
  
Isaac: Err... I'm Mario.  
  
Famfrit: SPEAK THE TRUTH! Mario's that moose dude, right?  
  
Isaac: Wrong. How much time do you spend down here?  
  
Famfrit: More than you could imagine.  
  
Isaac: You know, I bet Ivan could teach you basketball, if you had a very important experiment,  
  
Famfrit: Nice.  
  
Isaac: Now, who are you?  
  
Famfrit: I AM FAMFRIT, GUARDIAN OF THE CRYSTAL, TOTEMA OF THE MECHS, LORD OF TEDDY BEARS!  
  
Isaac: Lord of teddy bears?  
  
Famfrit: Yep.  
  
Isaac: Don't you mean moogles?  
  
Famfrit: Same difference.  
  
Isaac: And what's a crystal?  
  
Famfrit: You know, I'm supposed to be mean to you. I'm supposed to be in big caps lock talking mode.  
  
Isaac: Is that bad?  
  
Famfrit: Yes. That is bad.  
  
Isaac: Whatever.  
  
Famfrit: I AM UNDER ORDERS TO EXPEL ALL INTRUDERS!  
  
Isaac: Couldn't you just let us go with a warning? ^^'  
  
Famfrit: I AM UNDER ORDERS TO EXPEL ALL INTRUDERS!  
  
Isaac: Couldn't we settle this maturely over a cup of coffee?  
  
Famfrit: I AM UNDER ORDERS TO EXPEL ALL INTRUDERS!  
  
Isaac: OK OK! I heard you the first time.  
  
Famfrit: Good. Now, this is the bit where you battle me.  
  
Isaac: Umm... ok... HELP! BELTRAN! BREAN! COME HERE!  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
In the prancing chocobo inn.  
  
Brean: ... Are you ssure we sshould do thiss? I thought Marche had ssomething important for uss to do.  
  
Beltran: Oh, he's been overworking us anyway. ::stares at Brean's glass:: You're drinking cola? You do not drink cola at an inn!  
  
Brean: I'm a templar! A temple knight! Temple knightss do not drink! What did you expect?  
  
Beltran: Hmph. Party pooper. Anyway, we're on strike!  
  
Brean: Why? ::sstares at the greenish goop in Beltran'ss glasss::  
  
Beltran: We're being overworked and underpaid!  
  
Brean: Dude... we get more money than Marche and Montblanc do put together.  
  
Beltran: I thought you were a temple knight! I thought temple knights didn't say "Dude!"  
  
Brean: Oh, sshut up.  
  
Beltran: ^O^ Shut up? What kind of temple knight says "Shut up?"  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Ivan: Umm... I don't think they're coming, kupo.  
  
Isaac: Hmph. They're not being very helpful.  
  
Person1: I ask again: Woah! What is that thing?  
  
Famfrit: Hey! That's not very nice! ::uses Breath of God::  
  
Isaac: Aw. He died.  
  
Ivan: We'll have to make a memorial service when we're done, kupo.  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Brean: I am sseriously warning you Beltran!  
  
Beltran: And wassup with the double s? Repeat after me: wassup with the double s?  
  
Brean: ::rolls eyes:: Wasssup with the double ss?  
  
Beltran: Wassup? What kind of temple knight says "Wassup?"  
  
Brean: I didn't say "Wasssup" I said "Wassssup!"  
  
Beltran: You're adding an s everytime you do that.  
  
Brean: Are you assking me to punch your face in?  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Ivan: Uhh... you're being mean Famfrit! I don't like it when you bully me, kupo!  
  
Famfrit: ::kills Ivan::  
  
Isaac: So much for that line of advertisements.  
  
Famfrit: ::puts on boxing gloves:: Wanna fight, Mario dude?  
  
Isaac; Mario?  
  
Famfrit: That's what you said your name was.  
  
Isaac: Ah yes... I'm Mario. So if you look for me, remember I'm MARIO!  
  
Famfrit: Got it.  
  
Isaac: M - A - R - I - O.  
  
Famfrit: Ok then.  
  
Isaac: With a capital-  
  
Famfit: OK I GET IT!  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Beltran: Punch my face in? Temple knights don't punch faces in!  
  
Brean: ARGH! I give up! ::ssips drink and ignoress Beltran::  
  
Beltran: Mission succeeded! Ok Brean, you can talk to me again.  
  
Brean: ::ignoress Beltran::  
  
Beltran: Didn't you hear me? I said you can talk to me again.  
  
Brean: ::ignoress Beltran::  
  
Beltran: ::bats eyelashes, puts hands together and pouts::  
  
Brean: ::ignoress Beltran, trying not to laugh::  
  
Beltran: ARGH! I give up! ::sips drink and ignores Brean::  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Hey, isn't this cage match a little unfair?  
  
Famfrit: What do you mean? It's one on one.  
  
Isaac: Yeah, but if we were in a real cage match, I would be a lightweight and you would be a super-megaweight.  
  
Famfrit: Hey! Are you insulting my weight! I work out as much as one can when trapped in a crystal!  
  
Isaac: Hey, look at that piece of paper on the ground behind you!  
  
Famfrit: I don't know how dumb you think I am, but I'm not that dumb.  
  
Isaac: No really! ::grabs paper::  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Top ten things to not talk about when trapped in a cell with an aging nu- I am not old With an aging nu mou  
  
How much better your hair is than-  
  
I am not old  
  
Than theirs.  
  
Their childhood.  
  
Your plans to take over the entire-  
  
I am not old  
  
SHUT UP!  
  
Hey, don't talk to me that way!  
  
YOUR PLANS TO TAKE OVER THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!  
  
He's evil, I tell you!  
  
SHUT UP! I'm trying to write!  
  
Why the world is- Hey, where did you get that pen?  
  
I found it in your box entitled "Mia Shrine"  
  
Oh yeah - Imilshipping  
I can't believe you went through my Mia Shrine!  
  
Who's Mia?  
  
Not telling.  
  
Oh, is it that rude whippersnapper's girlfriend?  
  
...I shall just ignore you. Why the world is round.  
  
Being a-  
  
You know, you really hurt my feelings.  
  
Being a-  
  
I am not old  
  
BEING A MUSE!  
  
How much better my life would be if I wasn't doing a FFTA-  
  
I am not old  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Eh? Weren't there 10 things to not talk about?  
  
Famfrit: Yes... but I think the blood splattered all over the page explains it.  
  
Isaac: Oh.  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Brean: I'm ssorry, Beltran.  
  
Beltran: NOW you're Mr. Temple knight, all polite and weird with armour that is also weird.  
  
Brean: Hey! Are you inssulting my carabini mail?  
  
Beltran: Yes! I am insulting your cranberry mail!  
  
Brean: It'ss carabini mail. ::tosssess some gil to the innkeeper and getss up::  
  
Beltran: I think it's cranberry mail. ::tosses some gil to the innkeeper also and goes out the door::  
  
Brean: You're an idiot. ::followss Beltran::  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Famfrit: Well, still, you insulted my weight AND my name-  
  
Isaac: No I didn't.  
  
Famfrit: Oh. Then you're the first.  
  
Isaac: You never told me your name.  
  
Famfrit: It's Famfrit.  
  
Isaac: HAHA! FAMFRIT! HAHA!  
  
Famfrit: ::kills Isaac::  
  
::Big letters are plastered across Isaac's head reading Game Over::  
  
Isaac: Owies...  
  
Famfrit: Hey, what's that noise?  
  
Beltran: ::in the distance:: You're an idiot times infinity no returns jinx padlock!  
  
Brean: ::in the distance:: You're an idiot timess infinity plus one no returnss jinx padlock!  
  
Beltran: You're an idiot times infinity plus two no returns jinx padlock!  
  
Brean: You're a sstupid idiot timess infinity plus three no returnss jinx padlock!  
  
Isaac: It's Beltran and Brean!  
  
Famfrit: Oh damn. ::rips the words reading Game Over off Isaac's head::  
  
Isaac: YIKES! That hurt!  
  
Beltran: You're a double stupid idiot times infinity plus- Hey, what's that noise?  
  
Brean: Ssoundss like Marche. He ssoundss in pain.  
  
Beltran: Oh, who cares, we're on strike!  
  
Brean: Grr... ::dragss Beltran into the demi ssphere::  
  
Isaac: Yay! You two came to help me!  
  
Beltran: Actually, he came to help you, he dragged me here.  
  
Isaac: -__-+ Whatever.  
  
Beltran: Woah! What IS-  
  
Isaac: ::shakes head frantically::  
  
Beltran: THAT THING?  
  
Isaac: ::gets up so he can fall over anime style::  
  
Famfrit: Grr... I AM PERFECTLY NORMAL! ::uses Breath of God::  
  
Beltran: ::falls over:: Owies!  
  
Brean: ::ssighss:: Guesss it'ss up to me! ::puncturess Famfrit'ss boxing glovess with the sspear::  
  
Famfrit: Hey! I paid good money for those! ::cries::  
  
Brean: ::whackss in the head with sspear::  
  
Famfrit: ::falls over:: Ok... you guys win.  
  
Isaac: Great! Now, there are some questions I'd like to ask you.  
  
Famfrit: Very well... but the mean lizard has to go first! He hit me!  
  
Brean: LIZARD?  
  
Ivan: CONTROL YOUR ANGER, KUPO!  
  
Brean: o.o Meep. ::goess back through the demi ssphere::  
  
Isaac: Now, what is a crystal?  
  
Famfrit: A crystal is one of the world threads. It binds our world together and holds it in place. Next question.  
  
Isaac: Why do you work so hard to protect it?  
  
Famfrit: ... A crystal is one of the world threads. It binds our world together and holds it in place.  
  
Isaac: Other than that!  
  
Famfrit: Because that is what the teddy bears made me for! Anyway, I've decided to grant you my powers!  
  
Isaac: ::eyes glitter:: You mean Breath of God?  
  
Famfrit: Of course not, that would make the game too easy. Besides, I'm giving my powers to Montblanc, Rain and Theodore!  
  
Isaac: HEY! THAT'S NOT FAIR! WHY DON'T I GET ANY POWERS?  
  
Famfrit: Because you're not a moogle.  
  
Isaac: Oh. That doesn't make sense.  
  
Famfrit: Don't worry. When you destroy the totema for the humans, you will get your powers.  
  
Isaac: What? You mean there's MORE totema to destroy?  
  
Famfrit: Yes. Five in total.  
  
Isaac: That's not very fair.  
  
Famfrit: Life doesn't tend to be fair. Well, I must be off now. Goodbye. ::explodes::  
  
Isaac: That was... weird.  
  
Felix: ::appears as a shadow::  
  
Isaac: Mewt?  
  
Felix: Stop making me remember! I don't like you!  
  
Isaac: Making you remember? What do you mean?  
  
Felix: ::disappears::  
  
Isaac: That wasn't very informative. Lets go have our memorial service for the guard now.  
  
Person1: ::wakes up:: WOW! That was cool! Can I do that again?  
  
Isaac: Never mind... what were you here for again?  
  
Person1: To give you something Alex wrote.  
  
Isaac: Top ten things to not talk about with aging nu mou?  
  
Person1: Yeah! How did you know?  
  
Isaac: I've got it. Now, the next punishment for Alex is to throw him in a cage with 10 rabid fangirls for 2 days!  
  
Person1: Got it. I'm off now.  
  
::Behind him, the crystal shatters::  
  
Isaac: ...This is getting too weird. Lets go. ::exits via the demi sphere::  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
(Scene - Mewt's bedroom)  
  
Piers: What's wrong Mewt? You look upset!  
  
Felix: Papa! ::leaps into his arms::  
  
Piers; You're rooms a mess! Tidy it up this instant!  
  
Felix: Later, papa.  
  
Piers: HEY! Don't you talk to me that way, son! Now, go to your room!  
  
Felix: Piers... I'm in my room.  
  
Piers: Good! You're already learning obedience! Now, Babus came into my room, blurting out something or other. I didn't listen to any of it, but he sounded quite worried. Is anything wrong?  
  
Felix: Papa, I remembered something horrible!  
  
Piers: Isn't that nice, well, look at the time, I must be off...  
  
Felix: LISTEN! The kids at school were being mean to me, and they were throwing snowballs at me, and one of them had a rock in it!  
  
Piers: Poor you. Well, I've got some important business to attend to so... wait: what are you talking about? You're Prince Mewt!  
  
Felix: Yeah, that's right!  
  
I'm royalty, I'm a prince. Everyone listens to whatever I say. My word is law! This is my country! Nobody picks on me! Oh no, I sound like Isaac...  
  
::Kraden and Mia enter::  
  
Mia: What's wrong, Mewt?  
  
Felix: Mama, the kids at school were being mean to me, and they were throwing snowballs at me, and one of them had a rock in it!  
  
Mia: Aww... poor Mewt. Mommy kiss the booboo better?  
  
Felix: ...Mia.  
  
Mia: Sorry, I got a little bit carried away with my role there.  
  
Piers: You know, Mia, you're son is older than you are! ^_^  
  
Mia: ... that's not right. Well Mewt, is there anything you wanted?  
  
Felix: Yeah! I want to strength the laws!  
  
Mia: Ok. Sure. Whatever.  
  
Piers: Umm... Remedi, don't you think it would be wise to not take this so lightly?  
  
Mia: One of the crystals has been destroyed, Cid.  
  
Piers: O_O Oh no! That's awful! I can't believe it! Eh... what's a crystal?  
  
Mia: ::kicks Piers in the shin::  
  
Piers: Oh yeah, I remember now!  
  
Mia: So then, it is up to you to change the laws.  
  
Piers: Ok then. ::kisses Mia::  
  
Mia: ::slaps:: HEY! I am a STRICT mudshipper, even if we are meant to be married.  
  
Piers: ...Ok then.  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: ::wanders around Cadoan aimlessly, eavesdropping on random conversations::  
  
Blue mage: I can't believe they strengthened the laws again.  
  
Sage: What's new? They're always doing that.  
  
Hunter: I swear, the palace takes great pleasure in watching us squirm!  
  
Sage: Hey hey! Watch what you're saying! You don't know who could be listening...  
  
Isaac: ::whispering:: Heheh, I'm listening, that's who! Isaac the super spy...  
  
Alex: ::sneaks up behind Isaac:: HIYA!  
  
Isaac: ARGH! ::jumps up::  
  
Hunter: ::gives Isaac a strange look::  
  
Isaac: Do you quite mind, Ezel?  
  
Alex: Hey! You're not meant to know my name! Don't refer to me by name!  
  
Isaac: Oh, ok, sorry Ezel.  
  
Alex: -___-+ So, are the laws bothering you too, eh? Doesn't matter. Soon it will be nothing but a memory.  
  
Isaac: Whatever.  
  
Alex: Don't you want to know why?  
  
Isaac: Not really. Now leave me be, I'm eavesdropping here!  
  
Sage: Hey, have you heard that rumour?  
  
Hunter: You mean about Ezel Berbier and his antilaws?  
  
Blue mage: It's hard to imagine anyone could nullify a law!  
  
Hunter: Yeah, but if you could, just imagine!  
  
Isaac: Nullify a law?  
  
Alex: Uh huh.  
  
Isaac: And you figured out how to do it?  
  
Alex: -_- No, Ezel Berbier did.  
  
Isaac: But I thought...  
  
Alex: Just shut up. I have to go now anyway...  
  
Isaac: Hey wait, how did you get out of prison?  
  
Alex: Dessie let me out... but I have to go back once I'm done with this mission.  
  
Isaac: Whatever. See you around, Ezel!  
  
Alex: -__-+  
  
___________  
  
Mission 34 - Hungry ghost - A hungry ghost hound is causing a panic at the Earlchad Monastery and raiding the pantry. Please put it to rest.  
-Baldi, Head Monk - Dispatch -Beltran  
  
Mission 35 - Pirates ahoy - We have reports that a large pirate band will be passing through our waters soon. We need good steel and young muscles!  
-Wilhem, Coast Guard - Dispatch -Brean  
  
Mission 36 - Earthy colours - I restore artwork for a living, but I'm out of paints. I need some rock from the mountains... Only the hardy need apply.  
-Rosseni, Atelier Wite - Dispatch -Aurelie  
  
Mission 37 - Honour lost - Some shady characters are after our leader, Kerry! Can you help? Please don't let anyone know we hired you.  
-Ed, Assistant Leader - Dispatch - Rain  
  
Mission 38 - Runaway boy - Need someone to find a runaway child and give him some homeknit clothes. The clothes will be ready as soon as I find thread.  
-Gina, Marun Orphanage - Dispatch - Oskar  
  
Mission 39 - Diary dilemma - My little brothers hid my diary somewhere in my house. I need you to find it before--gasp--my parents do!!!  
-Edwina, Concerned Girl - Dispatch - Deisel  
  
Mission 40 - Math is hard - I've been at this equation for months now. Never have I been so stumped in my life! Won't someone take a crack at this with me?  
-Kosyne, Mathematician -Dispatch - Theodore  
  
Mission 41 - Antilaws - An alchemist named "Ezel" claims he's found a way to nullify laws! Looking for information about him and his antilaws. -Numerous requests  
  
*_*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: Hey look! It's Ezel!  
  
Alex: That's random person 23 to you!  
  
Isaac: Oops. Forgot again! ^_^  
  
Alex: Err... why is there a conspicuously place drum kit placed at the back.  
  
::Garet walks in and sits behind the drums with two sticks. Di dun clash!::  
  
Alex: Oh... well, let's get this over with so I can go back to prison.  
  
Illusionist: Ezel! You can't hide forever!  
  
Isaac: But I thought-  
  
Alex: JUST FORGET IT!  
  
Illusionist: Why don't you just turn yourself in quietly.  
  
Alex: No, I've never been good at sitting in one place.  
  
::Di dun clash!::  
  
Illusionist: You've overestimated your power to escape!  
  
Alex: These things happen!  
  
::Di dun clash!:;  
  
Illusionist: Get him! And feel free to break whatever you like!  
  
Alex: Please, take it easy on me! I'm a sensitive old man, you know!  
  
::Di dun clash!::  
  
Isaac: As the leader! I have to save random person 23! Brean!  
  
Brean: Yess!  
  
Isaac: Go and dispatch everyone.  
  
Brean: Yess masster!  
  
Beltran: I told you we were overworked, Brean!  
  
Isaac: All is safe now. Hey Alex, why were those people after you?  
  
Alex: Because I asked for 100, 000 gil. That's all it takes to make laws go away.  
  
Isaac: 100, 000 gil?!?  
  
Alex: Yes, it is rather cheap, isn't it!  
  
::Di dun clash!::  
  
Isaac: Ok Garet, we could do without the drums now.  
  
Alex: I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself. I am Ezel Berbier.  
  
Isaac: Yes yes, I know. I'm Marche.  
  
Alex: Well, I'd love to chat but there's someone else after me.  
  
Piers: I've heard the two legged turtles call you an eccentric looney.  
  
Alex: Oh, aren't we an intelligent group. Moogles are teddy bears, Viera are bunny rabbits, Bangaa are lizards and Nu mou are two legged turtles!  
  
Isaac: That just about sums it up.  
  
Alex: Anyway, good evening, Judgemaster Cid.  
  
Isaac: Wow! Mewt's dad is the Judgemaster! Can I have your autograph?  
  
Piers: ::ignores Isaac:: Mr Berbier, I would like to have a word with you.  
  
Alex: No thanks. Jugjes rub me the wrong way.  
  
Piers: Oh, but you have no choice! MUAHAHAHA! ::shows a card::  
  
Alex: It's a picture of you wearing a tutu and duck floaties strapped to a moose.  
  
Piers: Oops. Wrong card. ^^'  
  
Alex: Wow! It's an advanced law!  
  
Piers: I'm glad you know what an advanced law is. Saves me the trouble of explaining them to you. Now there's no way to escape!  
  
Isaac: I don't know what an advanced law is!  
  
Piers: But nobody cares about you, Isaac.  
  
Alex: I guess a little demonstration wouldn't hurt! ::pulls out a card::  
  
Piers: Wow! You can nullify advanced laws as well?  
  
Alex: Bye! I'll be here till Thursday, try the veal, goodnight! ::teleports himself and Isaac away::  
  
::Di dun clash!::  
  
Isaac: Garet, I said CUT IT!  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Isaac: So... that was an antilaw.  
  
Alex: Yup. That was an antilaw.  
  
Isaac: Can I have one?  
  
Alex: No... but I've got a shop for trading law cards in Cadoan! It's still hush hush though.  
  
Isaac: Is that all?  
  
Alex: I guess so...  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Ok! R&R, no flames (please) though constructive criticism accepted.  
  
Next chapter Ivan and Isaac will be doing the Hero Gaol series... just incase you hadn't read it at the top. 


End file.
